Voice of the Soul

List of Animals

2012-02-06T20:26:00.004+05:30

-Chicken
-Goat
-Cow
-Pig
-Turkey
-Squid
-Prawn
-Crab
-Fish
-Mealworm
-Shrimp

Trololo Trippiness

2011-12-11T05:09:00.001+05:30

If you're in the right mood, you can have a good time watching this video. I just wanted to document this for some reason. Anyway, it's interesting to see that there is a story behind it - the erstwhile Soviet's usual madness in censoring whatever the heck they can. Bonus videos: Family Guy and, as expected, a Hitler video!

Poem in AABB

2010-05-10T01:01:00.004+05:30

There’s a bug on my screen
Oh, this bug! I’d not seen
Look!!! It’s shiny and green!!!
So when do you want to clean?

I flicked the damn thing off – what a bore it became
You’re a filthy hypocrite. My, my, what a shame.
It’s impressive how long it took you to write that, not!
‘That’s lame,’ you said and grinned. Well, yeah, it’s lame!

Stop this nonsense and stick to the scheme!
Yeah, it’s funny how we started with AABB as the theme
I’ve always maintained it, that’s my bold claim!
Yo! Our AABB scheme, you’re the first to maim!*
* – See stanza 1, line 3.

Okay, fine, I’ll start this stanza now
Congratulations! Well Achieved! Take a bow!
You dumbo, why’d you capitalize the A?
Well maybe, I don’t really care about what you say

Lameness oozes through all these black lines
Ladies and gentlemen, that’s all he does, whines.
Whine? You call that a whine? Ha-ha! Poor you
That nobody cares, including me, is very very true.

-
Written in black and blue
for a reason or two.

Irish Bull

2010-03-10T18:38:00.003+05:30

The Irish are a very interesting people. They have a fun accent. They have leprechauns. All Saints' Day. Their awesome drinking/pub culture. But this little post is to bring to attention something else. The Irish have had such an effect on the world for lexicologists to include the term 'Irish bull' in the English dictionary.

That's right. Among the sublimest of sublime terms for 'unacceptable behaviour' like crap, bull, dogshit, horseshit and bullshit, is the term Irish bull (Courtesy: WordWeb). Now, I hardly expected a Wiki article on this. But.. well. It's Wikipedia, man! Irish bull. Though according to this article, Irish bull is slightly different from 'unacceptable behaviour'. Trust Wikipedia to include a sentence like "The "Irish Bull" is to the sense of a statement what the dangling participle is to the syntax." WTF? Also, how cool is Sir Boyle Roche for having both the titles 'Sir' and 'The "father" of the Irish bull'?

Now, if you read the article fully (or scrolled down fully) you'd have seen the 'See Also' section. Colemanballs. "Colemanballs is a term coined by Private Eye magazine to describe verbal gaffes perpetrated by (usually British) sports commentators." Note the care taken to include those very important bracketed words. Wikipedia is full of gems, I tell you. "Perhaps the most famous Colemanball is that of Brian Johnston announcing that "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" on a BBC Radio 4 Test Match Special, although this may be apocryphal."

Poem

2010-02-12T08:04:00.005+05:30

What is this thing here at my door?
Is this a big, big rock in my way I see?
Surely it's a joke, a prank, maybe more?
A riddle? A puzzle? "Oh, pun!" says me.

All is for Good

2009-10-27T10:50:00.000+05:30

I was dressing up this morning and I wore my pants and tucked my shirt in. But while adjusting my shirt after that SPLING! The button shot out of the pants. Oh Well. I'd expected this to happen sooner or later. One of the two buttons had already come out long back anyway.

I changed my pants. But this pair had the back pocket button loose. Out of frustration I pulled it out myself. What the heck.

And then later I was riding along, with no worries. Like a zombie. When SPLOOSH! Bird poo in front of me yippee! Funnily, I didn't KNOW it was bird shit. Because at first I noticed only a big clear drop of liquid. Like water from the tree. Then I noticed a teeny bit of bird crap just below that.

I thought what a bad start to the day. But then I realized, I was actually being lucky. The pant button could've come off at work. The bird could've aimed right for me, but it defecated on the fuel tank.

And then after a bit, what's this? Oh ho! There is MORE bird doo-doo on the odometer (how the fuck), mirror stand and bike handle. Phew. How did nothing fall on my hands and all.

So I came and parked my bike, a good twenty minutes late to work. And then I noticed some MORE bird poo on the BACK of my bike on the helmet lock. Small amount though. Not bad eh? How it pooped all over the vehicle but cleanly missed me.

I hope I'm not confidently sitting here with some bird shit on me somewhere I cannot see.

All is for good.

Hosur Sweet Home

2009-10-01T16:36:00.016+05:30

Hello. This is an attempt to describe the daily adventurous activity I partake in. Note, however, that while I love adventure, I do not love this particular task. I'm talking about the evening journey from Hosur Road back home. I picked the return route to describe because I was inspired to do so some days back while, guess what, returning home! I may describe the morning 18km saga another day.

(Note: The distance to my house given in kilometres is accurate to the nearest 10,000 km. Just in case you're the kind that would point out flaws in such things.)

14 km

Right. Here we go. After a long day's work (hah) I finally get to go home! Off I trot to the parking lot to get my bike. Engine on. Vroooom awaaaayyyy for about 75 m till the gate. Because just outside the friggin' gate is a jolly old traffic jam waiting to tell me, "Not so fast, buster!" This is no ordinary jam. The traffic here is fucked up on a daily basis. Hosur Road fills up first. The main road. Then the service roads. Then two wheelers, cyclists and pedestrians move over to the muddy area next to the service roads. But hey, that's slow, man! You gotta leaarrrn how to make your way through. So I head over to the gunk-filled ditches and egg bhurji shops. Climb over anyone who's in the way. Only to find that the 'muddy' part ends there and the "there's-no-friggin'-WAY-you're-driving-through-THIS" part begins.

And much to my dismay, I see that all the snaking around was in vain because the two huge buses next to me are moving at the same pace. So then I make the unwise decision of joining in the jam. On the service road itself, of course. Because it is pretty much impossible to get to the main road across the 4 - 5 m wide service road within the next 10 min. The traffic jam is so motionless that if you replaced all the vehicles with houses and skyscrapers and other buildings, THEY would move faster.

(Click on image for better quality)

12 km

After finally getting past the epitome of all chaos, that bombaaT Bommanhalli Junction, it's now time to snake through some more buses. But this time, it's faster. Then why complain? Because I have two choices: (a) Ride with my visor down and risk falling into a pothole. (b) Ride with my visor up and create potholes in my sclerotic coats and corneae from the mind-boggling amounts of dust that looms over.. Well most of Bangalore actually.

11 km

Silk Board Junction. Yin and yang salmagundi in my head. On one hand I zoom at alarming (for Bangalore) speeds up the 'flyover' or 'bridge' or whatever English term you want to insult by calling the Silk Board Junction that. On the other hand I zoom at alarming (for Bangalore) speeds down that same bridge towards the Madivala Bus Stand, all the while having an almost bird's eye view of the horror that is to come.

The Madivala Bus Stand. If Bommanhalli Junction is the mother of all fuck-ups, Madivala is the grand daddy of it all. As I would like to majestically describe it- FUBAR.

10.2 km

Heading out of the hell hole that is Madivala! Heading towards The Forum! Oh my god. 20... 40... 50... 60... 75... 80... 95... 120... 160... 180...

10 km

...200 m!! Two hundred fucking metres of the breakneck speed of 50 km/h! What's that? You thought those numbers were in km/h? Hahahahahahahahaha! aaaahahahahahahahahahaha! haha! hah.. Phew. I needed that laugh. Anyway, here I am now. At The Forum. The left part of the road which I have to be on, to continue straight towards home (lucky me!), is what some people would refer to as what-the-fuck-ness. Seriously, The Grand Canyon would piss in its pants if it came across this monster of a gorge that actually becomes the world's deepest river when it rains. Oh but I'm not The Grand Canyon. Come on, after Bommanhalli and Madivala, this is juuujuubi. On to Adugudi. Bring it on, I say!

7.8 km

Adugudi. The egg-items shop on the road side at this signal. The heavenly aroma of eggs cooking. I am always tempted to ditch my motorcycle and try something from that stall. But I am rudely awoken from my eggy reverie by the blaring honk of the nutjob's vehicle behind me. Alright, alright! I am sorry I didn't notice the little crack in the pavement in which at least ten of us two-wheeler riders can sneak through and make it to the front of the stationary traffic. Bah! People just don't appreciate eggs enough.

Oh ho! What is this? One Mr. Traffic Cop is frantically waving to the left? No way. I'm not going into some Adugudi and all. I want to go home. I'm just heading straight. Vroom vroom... Vrooo-chak chak. Oh mother*%$&#$. No wonder. I find vehicles standing still in all sorts of orientations. I'm pretty sure the cop is looking at me and guffawing away. Right you are, Mr. Traffic Chief. I head back and turn into Adugudi. I've always wanted to see this place anyway. Hah. Right. Wait.. I didn't mean THIS slowly though. I meant I wanted to cruise through while glancing at the odd building here and there. Oh well. After a nice first-time trip through Adugudi, the 1,042,013 marble and granite dealing joints, and Wilson Garden or Gardens, I join the celestial road that is Hosur Road again. (Yes, even though it’s past Koramangala and Adugudi and all that, the entire stretch till Residency Road is called Hosur Road, thus damning all riders on that road to weeks of nightmares. The sheer name HOSUR… Husssshhhhaaarrrr.)

6.67 km

Wooooo! Hatrick Sports. That's how I refer to this area. I don't know what it's called. But I DO know that at this signal, one can witness a true marvel of the Indian road system. Behold! The direction-defying BMTC bus. There we are, waiting at the signal, looking right ahead. The only other road there, is a perpendicular one-way road that joins our road from the left. So that would mean the entire road is occupied with stationary traffic facing our road from the left. “So What?” says the bus driver standing along with us and, when the light turns green, proceeds to calmly turn left and park himself right ON the faces of the pant-shitting riders and drivers. Some of the brave chaps manage to squeeze their way out from underneath the scary grimace of the BMTC bus whereby the bus driver proceeds to the next batch of pant-shitting commuters. This has happened TOO many times for it not to be included in a generalized description of my return journey.

6.2 km

On and on I go. This stretch is particularly kind (when there’s no traffic) but wait! Since it is against the principle of road designers in Bangalore to make it possible for any driver to drive without worries for more than 200 m, this road too has been.. well.. fucked with. What better way to hassle drivers than to fuck with the road, right? Yeah. Rumour has it that the BBMP actually comes and digs up the road every night. When drunken employees protest and try to repair the roads, they are given severe punishments such as riding on the road between 7 – 7:30 PM. And you wonder why roads are never repaired!

Oh the potholes are not the biggest feature of this road though. What is remarkable about it is how they managed to design it so that it narrows down from a 4-lane road to a 1.8-lane road *snap* like that.

------------|

.................|_______

---------------------

Of course, this spectacular transition isn’t complete all by itself now, is it? What it needs is another deep ravine right across the beginning of the narrow part for the finishing touch. Bingo! That’s exactly what we have.

5 km

Yaaaaawwwnn. I can basically nap the rest of my way home. After hazarding my vehicle and myself through all those 9 or 10 km, what is a little curve here, a bump there going to do? Heh. As harmless as the auto rickshaw who pops out of nowhere oops! Hehe, carry on ol’ chum, you needn’t worry about going in the wrong direction. All I did was skid while braking suddenly. Have a good evening!

0.035 km

Ah. Home at last. Oh there are my jolly old tail-wagging tongue-dangling buddies, waiting to welcome me back! What’s that? You want to chase me? Hehe.. OOps! Almost looked like you REALLY wanted to bite right through my bones there, for a minute. You little rascals. Sometimes I feel like you are actually chasing me like I’m a little rabbit. I love you all too, but I’m just going to accelerate and run along now. You have a good evening too!

Sporty Saturday

2009-08-22T22:01:00.009+05:30

Qualifying, 2009 FORMULA 1 TELEFONICA GRAND PRIX OF EUROPE:

1	Lewis Hamilton	McLaren-Mercedes
2	Heikki Kovalainen	McLaren-Mercedes
	...
	...
	...
6	Kimi Räikkönen	Ferrari
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
	...
20	Luca Badoer	Ferrari

_____
NICE.
------

Barclays Premier League, Wigan Athletic vs. Manchester United:

Wigan 0 - ManU 5
_____
NICE.
------

Credits:

Thank you's
Sharon
Tata Sky
KPTCL
Star Sports
ESPN

Fuck you's
Ferrari
My cable guy

Research Links Sudden Sleepiness in Mexico to Indian Presentation

2009-07-30T12:48:00.002+05:30

Thursday, 30th Jul '09 - Earlier today at around 11 AM IST, around 50,000 people in the small town of Illi Niddeneyilla, Mexico, had complained about a sudden bout of extreme uncontrollable sleepiness. The town, known for the small number of hours that its residents sleep for, had once topped a 'list of most active cities and towns' after a survey conducted by the Bere Kelsayilla Group. But today, that same town had suddenly come to a standstill as people fell asleep by the hundreds. Vehicles had rammed into buildings and had run over people (asleep of course) as the drivers had suddenly dozed off. Scores of researchers have tried to solve the mystery of this strange phenomenon for more than twenty minutes since. At last a recent study by a team of neurologists seems to have cracked the case. The research team found the cause for the phenomenon to be a presentation conducted in a Bangalore office at 11 AM IST today.

The head of the research team, Mr. Drillandre HingmaaDbeku, was available for comments. "We are extremely happy to have finally solved the mystery of this incident. Our two-minute study has positively given us the reason for the Mexicans falling asleep all of a sudden. It was because of this mind bogglingly boring presentation that happened at iWhileAway in Bangalore. The words of the presenters were so strong that they travelled all the way to Mexico and destroyed the possibility of the people there being awake even for a second in the next 5 days.

Mr. HingmaaDbeku also added, "It is sad that such presentations are allowed to happen. The devil-may-care attitude of the Bangaloreans resulted in the Mexicans being subjected to 400 times the lethal dose of boredom that even the strongest human can take."

The presentation team defended their act by saying...

[Note: We regret to inform you that the report remains incomplete due to our reporter dozing off before he could write down even the first word the presenters had to say.]

Mosquito Admits Fart Was Fire Alarm Trigger

2009-07-23T12:33:00.004+05:30

Thursday, 23rd Jul '09, Bangalore: An embarrassed mosquito admitted to having triggered off the fire alarm that caused panic and chaos at the iWhileAway office here on Wednesday. The newly installed fire alarm, which is being tested roughly 5600 times a day, went off at around 11 AM in the first floor office of iWhileAway. Employees were roused from their state of deep torpor as the fire alarm excitedly wailed. The jolted workers looked around fearfully as they picked up their most precious belongings and rushed out of the building. Fire wardens at iWhileAway were left bewildered, as they sought the reason for the alarm going off, until the shamefaced mosquito came forward and admitted to having triggered the alarm.

"I am extremely embarrassed. What can I say? This never happens. But it must've been from all that blood I sucked out of those McDonald's going, burger-eating lazy masses of flesh that I saw at the office," said the mosquito. "Well, you see.. Hehe.. Arthur and I are starting a family. We are planning to lay a lot of eggs," the mosquito added sheepishly, on being questioned about the inconceivable amounts of blood that she sucked at one go.

The new alarm system at iWhileAway was installed last week as per guidelines for the ISO certificate. Chief fire warden Ms. SoLLekooDa BiDalla was in charge of conducting drills and testing the alarm system. "We here at iWhileAway care for our employees. So all these procedures are not for merely acquiring the ISO certificate, but for the safety and wellbeing of our employees as well. We are conducting drills every three seconds during working hours and soon we plan to ramp up our fire safety system by conducting training sessions, presentations, demonstrations and holding back the employees after working hours to conduct another thousand odd drills," said Ms. BiDalla.

"The alarm is a very sensitive one. Last week, it was triggered off by steam from the coffee machine. Day before yesterday, it went off because of dust. But I would say, yes, it was unfortunate that the alarm was triggered today by the mosquito fart. We will take care of this soon, we have many experts who can adjust the sensitivity to the optimum levels. Of course, this means that we will need to add another three thousand drills to our daily drill schedule," added Ms. BiDalla.

The visibly apologetic mosquito vowed never to feast beyond limits on the employees' blood again. "But you know, it would be nice if they actually got up and did some walking around, some movements. It's way too tempting for me when I see these fat scumbags slug around all day and wallow in their drool," she added, before going high pitch and buzzing in our reporter's ear unintelligibly.

Iron Man

2009-07-17T13:55:00.016+05:30

Iron Man. Indians think of Sardar Vallabhai Patel. Music geeks mentally play the celebrated riff from the Black Sabbath song. But most people think of the Marvel Comic book character played by Robert Downey, Jr. in the movie Iron Man (2008). With the advent of the radical technology of powered exoskeletons as practical possibilities in the near future, Tony Stark in his suit may soon become a reality. Wait... what are powered exoskeletons? They are just what they suggest they are – an exoskeleton energized by a power supply. Exoskeletons have been around in nature for millions of years. Even humans have been using artificial exoskeletons in the form of armour for defence and combat. Now the technology of powered exoskeletons can take it further, to industrial applications and medicine.

Powered exoskeletons primarily do two things-

assist - help workers lift heavy loads, help rescuers lift and move debris, medically assist aged and incapacitated people; and

protect – protect soldiers, construction workers and other people working in hostile or unsafe environments.

These mobile machines can be considered to be ‘wearable robots’. They are usually mechatronic systems that are designed around the shape of the user. Accordingly, the joints and segments of the exoskeleton correspond to those on the user. The machines can have different power sources (finding a suitable power supply is actually one of the challenges involved in this technology).

Currently, there are already a few exoskeletons. For example, HULC™ manufactured by Lockheed Martin, Honda’s Exoskeleton Legs, M.I.T. Media Lab's Biomechatronics Group legs and Raytheon’s XOS.

But it was General Electric that had developed the first exoskeleton device in the ‘60s. Called the Hardiman, a hydraulic and electrical body suit, it was not very successful because it was too heavy and bulky for military use. One of the first exoskeleton prototypes meant to aid in walking was created by Monty Reed, an army ranger who’d had a parachute accident in 1986, after being told that he would never be able to walk again. He was inspired by Starship Troopers (by science fiction author Robert Heinlein) and created LIFESUIT™1 (or LS1) in the broom closet of his basement while attending college. Monty is now Executive Director of THEY SHALL WALK™, a non-profit medical research organization. At present, prototype LS15 is being developed in their lab.

The HULC™, as explained by Lockheed Martin, its developers, is a completely un-tethered, hydraulic-powered anthropomorphic exoskeleton that provides users with the ability to carry loads over 90 kg for extended periods of time and over all terrains. An onboard micro-computer eliminates the need for a joy stick or other controllers. The HULC™ is capable of performing deep squats, crawls and upper-body lifting. It weighs around 27 kg including the two Lithium Polymer Batteries. The HULC™ exoskeleton transfers the heavy combat loads that soldiers have to carry to the ground through powered titanium legs without loss of mobility. Under a new exclusive licensing agreement between Lockheed Martin and Berkeley Bionics™, there will be further enhancement within the HULC system.

Scientists at M.I.T. Media Lab's Biomechatronics Group, with funding from the American Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), have developed an exoskeleton that promises to lessen the load of travelers and also advance research that will ultimately lead to robotic limbs for improving the strength and mobility of amputees. According to a report in the International Journal of Humanoid Robotics the M.I.T. exoskeleton is designed to be lighter and require lesser power than similar devices already under development. The wearer of the M.I.T. exoskeleton places his or her feet in boots attached to a series of tubes that run up the leg to a backpack. The exoskeleton, powered by a 48 V battery pack, uses an onboard computer, weighs 11.7 kg and requires 2 W of electrical power during loaded walking. The device fits parallel to the legs, transferring payload forces from the back of the wearer to the ground.

Last year, Honda Motor Company Limited introduced a supportive lower-body exoskeleton. This walking assist device is designed to reduce the load on leg muscles and joints (in the hip, knees, and ankles) by supporting a portion of the wearer's bodyweight. It acts as an exoskeleton in the sense that it straps over the wearer's clothes and provides two artificial legs that fit alongside the wearer's own legs. The exoskeleton, which comes in small, medium and large sizes, weighs about 6.5 kg. It is secured with a belt around the hip and thigh, then the user straps into a pair of shoes connected to it. A mini-saddle fits between the wearer's legs. The machine is powered by a lithium ion battery that lasts about two hours between charges, as long as the wearer isn't walking faster than 4.5 km/h.

The exoskeleton that has been most likened to Marvel Comics’ Iron Man himself, is the XOS. It is essentially a wearable robot that amplifies its wearer’s strength, endurance and agility. Built from a combination of sensors, actuators and controllers, the futuristic suit enables a user to easily carry a man on his back or lift 90 kg several hundreds of times without tiring. And yet, the suit is agile enough to let its wearer kick a football, punch a speed bag, or climb stairs and ramps with ease. In 2000, DARPA had requested for design proposals for a powered military exoskeleton. Of the fourteen designs submitted, DARPA had chosen the one submitted by Sarcos, an American engineering and robotics firm. The Sarcos design involved a suit powered by a single engine, including a tank holding 24 hours of fuel that sat near the wearer's buttocks. The suit gave the wearer increased strength and endurance through servo motors powered by the engine.The finished suit was named the XOS Exoskeleton and weighed 68 kg.Popular Science reported that the XOS gave wearers the ability to lift 91 kg "repeatedly with minimal strain". Nearly two years ago, American defense contractor Raytheon purchased Sarcos and is now developing this robot suit for the soldier of tomorrow. The lightweight aluminium XOS, senses the user’s every move and instantly moves with him or her, almost like a shadow or a second skin. It is designed for agility that can match a human's, but strength and endurance that far outweigh any human’s abilities. With the exoskeleton on and fully powered up, the user can easily pull down a weight of more than 90 kg. For the army the XOS could mean quicker supply lines, or fewer load-related injuries when soldiers need to lift heavy weights or move objects around repeatedly. The army hopes that later models can go into combat and carry heavier weapons or even wounded soldiers.

Exoskeletons could also be applied for rehabilitation of stroke or SCI patients. Such exoskeletons, sometimes called Step Rehabilitation Robots, could reduce the number of therapists needed by allowing even the most impaired patient to be trained by one therapist (as compared to the several needed now). Training could be more uniform and specifically customized for each patient. Presently there are several projects designing training aids for rehabilitations centers. For example, the LOPES exoskeleton and Cyberdyne’s gait trainer, HAL 5.

The LOPES project (LOwer-extremity Powered ExoSkeleton) is looking to design and implement a gait rehabilitation robot for treadmill training. The target group includes people who have suffered a stroke and have impaired motor control. The main goals of LOPES are reduction of the physical load on the therapist or patient, increased efficiency of gait training for stroke patients and selective support of gait functions.

Cyberdyne’s Robot Suit HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb), as has been made public by the company, is a cyborg-type robot that can expand and improve physical capability. Through a sensor attached on the skin of the wearer, HAL catches very weak biosignals that can be detected on the surface of the user’s skin at the moment when the user moves (nerve signals are sent from the brain to the muscles via motoneuron, moving the musculoskeletal system as a consequence). HAL 5 is currently capable of allowing the operator to lift and carry about five times as much weight as they could lift and carry unaided. The full body machine weighs approximately 23 kg and is powered by a Battery Drive Charged battery (AC100V). It can operate continuously for about 2 h 40 min. Cyberdyne expects the HAL to be applied in various fields such as rehabilitation support and physical training support in the medical field, ADL support for disabled people, heavy labour support in factories and rescue support at disaster sites.

Evidently, the powered exoskeleton has great potential, considering how many fields, and hence people, can benefit from the technology. Now there might be sceptics who call all this just blather and argue that it will not be feasible. We only have to remind them how it was with other path-breaking technologies like the computer and the cellphone. The rest, as they say, is (and will be) history. As John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne once sang, “Iron Man lives again!”

Environmentalists Still Waiting to be Noticed

2009-07-09T16:24:00.001+05:30

According to a report relased Wednesday, the fifty environmentalists who are protesting against the BBMP's new road widening project (which will result in the cutting down of around 900 trees around the city) are still waiting for their demonstration to be noticed. They have now been protesting for over eight months. That is unlikely to change, as suggested by the leader of the group, Mr. Maramaya Aagbaardu. "We are eco-warriors. We will not give up. It is only through such dogged persistence that results are achieved in these aspects. Come what may, we will continue to sit here and protect our precious trees from those people. Speaking of those people, what the hell are the BBMP waiting for anyway? When will they notice and respond, damn it!" said Mr. Aagbaardu.

On being questioned about the lack of response from the BBMP, the amused deputy in charge of the road widening project remarked, "What, they thought we'd start the project immediately? Hahaha! What complete fools! Don't they know we take at least a few years to get work started on anything? Nobody will know or care about their protests till then. Let the tree huggers numb their butts all they want."

The chief engineer Mr. Onchooru Naachikeyilla, however, refused to comment on the issue. His only reaction was a low grunt along with a generous drop of drool that fell on his chest.

kaDLekai

2009-06-05T15:30:00.007+05:30

-Useful.
- As crazy about music as I am? Good. As organized about it as I am? Great! If not, do you want to be? If yes, TagScanner is the thing for you.
- I'm pretty sure there are a lot of these convertors. But this online convertor looks neat.
- "100 Great Grunge and Abstract Fonts" apparently. Some of them are pretty neat, but I have no idea where I would use any. If you're interested, here're the fonts.
- Wolfram Alpha. Computational Knowledge Engine, they say. I haven't tried all the mathematical or engineering possibilities on this. It's not a search engine per se, but it's a very cool thing if you need some basic information about towns, dates, movies, etc.
- I am very impressed by ninja words. It really is fast!
- Ever played Text Twist? Ever felt like cheating? (I never did) But if you'd like, here's a Text Twist UNscrambler!
- Guess what. There's a search engine for sounds! If you ever need any kind of sound for something, this is the place to go.
- What do you know! There's a Wikipedia article on Indoor Cannabis Cultivation! Possible to-do in life, I guess.
- Symbols!
- If you don't mind spending some, to increase your internet speed.
-I was reading trivia for The Lion King, and can you believe one of the points was this- "Pumbaa the Warthog was the first character in any Disney film to experience flatulence."
-An old joke- "You may have Airtel or BSNL connection, but when you sneeze you say HUTCH."
-The periodic table in pictures.
-Richard "Dick" Trickle (born October 27, 1941 in Wisconsin Rapids, Wisconsin) is a retired American Auto racing race car driver. He raced for decades around the short tracks of Wisconsin, winning many championships along the way.
-Trippy- how an email reply became a road sign.
-I don't know what to call these. Infinite tiled GIFs? - here and here.
-Did you know they were planning to have some sort of sex olympics? It was mentioned here. But now apparently it's been cancelled.
-Webcomics.
- Have you ever looked at life this way? It's definitely interesting! (And the webcomic Abstruse Goose is good. Try it. See what I'm talking about.)
- Another fun comic - Buttersafe. Example.
- And one of the XKCD comic strips I really liked.
- I didn't really get this comic, I guess. Trippy still.
- Dino Birthday
-And for a good laugh, here's a collection of a few funny commercials!
-Trip on the kangaroo.
-Ferrari V4 Concept Motorcycle. I definitely am not tickled by this. It looks pretty funny, pretty uncomfortable and it really does not seem to have any utility other than raw speed. And for that, you have better looking machines anyway.
-Haha.. Did you know they had such a competition? Rear of the year, I believe!
-And here's another kaDlekai game for utter pastime. Shuffle! My high score - 49,180.
-I like how you can make such jokes in English.
-When I was using Google Translator for something, I'd started playing around with sentences and kept translating back and forth to and from various languages, just to trip on the funny lines that resulted. I wrote a post called Lost in Translation to document that. And in a couple of months, I stumbled upon this website, also called Lost in Translation!
-Here are some lines that some of you could probably use on some people. Funny pictures.
- Smells like Bullshit to me.
- How about a warm cup of Shut The Fuck Up!
- Jesus loves you! But I think you're a cunt.
- Well, overall, working here has been like living in Venice. Except all the canals are filled with shit and no one's allowed to use a boat.
- Fuck it. I'm going home.
- Hehehe. Atheists.
-Naps are important! Learn how to nap.
-Get drunk in style! Read the Modern Drunkard Magazine.
-I'm pretty sure you've heard of or played the Spank The Monkey game. Where you try and move your mouse as fast as you can and clock a high speed while thwack that monkey. Here's a slightly more raunchier version of the same game, Spank the Booty. Sniff.. Make Spanky proud! (The cheat works for this one as well, if you know it)
-We all know we can either go normally, go entirely liquid, or not go at all. Shitting problems. Common. But haven't we always wanted to know what type we're passing? How can we be satisfied having just preliminary information? This chart is for that very purpose. At long last, we can monitor and keep records of our daily types.
-News.
- Did you know that Scotch tape produces X-rays? My question is, how did they discover this?
- Intelligent Humans evolved because of big-hipped ancestors.
- Behold! The Cave of Crystals! Quite fascinating.
- Stayin' Alive with the beat.
- Ever heard of eunoia? This news article talks about a book in which each chapter contains text written using just one vowel. Chapter U is just trippy!
-And talking about charts and trippy, here's the Rambo Death Chart. Brilliant.
-Charts, comics, trippy,... The bed comic!
-Britain vs. America - points of view.
-I did not know they pronounced it as "oo-bun-too" (Ubuntu). Anyway, here's something Windows haters cum Matrix lovers will love.
-Damn it! I could barely hear the 16kHz tone! Shite. Take the Mosquito Tone Test.
-Some jab at Linkin Park on GoldenPages.
-Have you ever heard of the Butt-Numb-A-Thon? What a sexy name.
-Did you know there's a movie named Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Hellbound, Flesh-Eating Subhumanoid Zombified Living Dead, Part 3? I kid you not.
-Smile, for here're Personal Ads, Translated.
-What a lovely. Twinkle twinkle little ishtar. Our Indian styles ma.
-I haven't actually tried this with beer. I should. La, la la la la la, la, la la la la la, la, la la la la la, la, la la la la la.
-Brain facts!
-Quizzes.
- Infrequently Asked Questions
- Quizicon is a fun site to pass time when bored. Interesting quizzes like the 100 Most Common English Words or the Most Popular Films are sure to entertain most of you. I scored 13/30 in the Most Popular Films one. Pretty pathetic. And I got 51/100 in the Most Common English Words Quiz. Missed some easy ones!
- Test your Geographical knowledge on this Capital Cities Quiz. My score - 22662.
- Nice little music quiz here.
-Photography.
- Tilt-shift photography
- High-speed photography or freeze photography
- Long-exposure photography
- Nice pictures.
  - This is a nice picture!
  - This one is just sweet.
  - And this is one FUNKY picture.
  - 74 music bands all in one nice picture.
-Wikipedia articles.
- Trippy articles like Exploding Trousers, Spontaneous Human Combustion, Popemobile and Pieing. And of course, the inevitable list - List of people who have been pied.
- Trippy chemical compound names like Arsole, Draculin, Moronic Acid and Uranate.

GMail Tribute to G3W

2009-04-25T13:25:00.006+05:30

It all started off with Mechanic emailing the group with the subject "Fkin awesome match.....". It was only to point out the awesome match that happened between Liverpool and Arsenal on 21st Apr '09.

Football discussions ensued. Desperate calls were made for links to watch the ManU match online the next day and cusses were thrown when no link worked. Further discussions about football blogs and WAGs happened. And then some pastime activities and fun-poking by "generally bored" people (read: Ajit) followed.

After the generally bored chap pleaded for some acknowledgement for fishing out an old photograph of Anush and I, people moved on to congratulating Anush for bagging the bronze medal in the Institute Blues Awards. The shy Anush cleverly deflected the topic of discussion to Shoban's successful confirmation of tickets to some matches in the 2010 FIFA World Cup in South Africa. The generally bored chap, Ajit, then assumed Shoban had 'won' the tickets without paying for them, and shot questions at the group in excitement. After Shoban explained (for what must've been the hundredth time for him) that he actually shelled out $330 for the tickets, Ajit went on to make a devious attempt to discourage Shoban from going to South Africa, so that he could get those tickets from him.

Meanwhile, the GMail thread was approaching one hundred emails, and soon people were discussing about the unique colour 'assigned' to each participant in a GMail thread. Bale, after propounding his colourful theory about GMail threads to counter the other theories, then asked Paapi who's currently in Kakinada, if he'd had the local sweet. The story follows:

...Bale: Had Kakinada Kaja?? (For the rest it's just a sweet with really amazing taste.)
Anush: Is it that sweet that is ellpitical and goes around in spirals? I love it!
...Bale: Ya it is that ellpitical-and-goes-around-in-spirals thingy. Suddenly, after the way you described that sweet, I think I lost my appetite.
.Paapi: Yup. Had Kakinada Khaja. Yes it is elliptical and no it doesn't spiral, it is succulent that's it. The spiral thingy is a normal not-so-special Khaja.
......Me: Is it like a jilebi?
Anush: http://niruskitchen.blogspot.com/2008/01/madatha-kaja.html
.Paapi: No da. Jalebi is indeed spiral and succulent but the spirals aren't tightly packed. The ones in the Khaja are.
......Me: Like Jahangir?
......Me: Oh Badshah! Or Bahadur Shah.
.Paapi: No da. Jahangir is more torroidal in nature, less spiral.
...Bale: Please people stop! They are freaking sweets, not tools Paaps was talking about earlier.
.Paapi: Oh the travails of continuing in the mech. engg. sector. :D :D :D
Anush: A picture speaks a thousand words. Too bad we can't taste them. Maybe in the future... [And he posted three pictures, each one showing each sweet clearly]
.Paapi: Seeeee. Jangiri - Toroidal, Jilebi - Loose Spiral, Kaja - Tight Spiral.
Anush: Topologically, the three of them are the same.
Ducky: Fucked up guy. I think you're still high.
Ducky: And yeah, oba the last one has a much higher packing fraction (choostava, Chem. Engg.?)

G3W.
\m/ (>_<) \m/

Twitter Crazy

2009-04-23T04:06:00.003+05:30

I must admit I am on Twitter, and I do update now and then. It's mostly about reading books, some excitement about sports, the odd philosophical thought about the universe, or something. On average, about once in a few days. But hey, I have the time to go type out shit in a box.

What I find extremely funny is celebrities being on Twitter, and having the time to 'tweet' every couple of hours. Ashton Kutcher, his (insanely hot, especially for her age) wife Demi Moore, John Mayer, etc. One of Ashton's followers lashed out against him saying, "No one gives a shit about you anymore. You are not one of us, douche." And people actually started following that guy to tell him OMG how mean he was!

And then I saw Ashton Kutcher had tweeted a good morning to Oprah Winfrey. She'd in turn thanked Shaquille O'Neal, for being her Twitter buddy! (Shaq uses gangsta language in his tweets as well. And note his funny Twitter name!) To make things even more hilarious, I found this person who adds "in my pants" to all of Oprah's tweets!

People are going crazy on Twitter. Recently, I'd read about this couple getting engaged on Twitter after the guy proposed to her by tweeting, and the girl tweeted back a 'yes'. And I just learnt that Jeph Jacques is also on Twitter, and maintains Twitter accounts for QC's characters!

Oh boy, and then the comments for some of Ashton Kutcher's photos. Too trippy. I've had a good laugh, and I just had to document all of it.

American TV: Formula1 My Ass

2009-04-19T12:01:00.005+05:30

Ardent fan of Formula1: (hoping, praying) Please? Formula1. It's the race. You showed the UEFA Champions League quarterfinals nicely on Tuesday and Wednesday. Now make me happy again, show me the Chinese Grand Prix. Please?

American TV: Formula1? Surely you're joking, Mr. Indian F1 fan. How can I show Formula1 when I have all this Baseball, American Football, Ice Hockey, Basketball, round and round Nascar and Indycar Racing and Women's College Lacrosse to show?

.
.

Women's College Lacrosse. I need tissue [sniff] paper please.. [sniff] [sniff]

Chelsea vs Liverpool

2009-04-15T02:41:00.005+05:30

What a game! First of all, I never thought I'd be watching a Chelsea vs Liverpool match, because I hate both teams. But, there are a few factors involved here. I am not in Bangalore right now, so I don't have to stay up crazy late. It's the Champions League quarterfinals, right in the afternoon when I can go to my room to have lunch, and watch the match. So that's how it was.

I went around twenty minutes into the game, and by then Liverpool were leading 1-0. They needed a minimum of three goals to qualify, having lost at home to Chelsea in the first leg 1-3. Soon, Liverpool managed to go 2-0 up on Chelsea, with a penalty shot, and it stayed that way till halftime. And I was thinking, wow, not bad. Liverpool are actually attacking all out here.

And then in the beginning of the second half itself, things started to go well for Chelsea. By the time the game was two thirds over, it was 2-2. Everyone was pretty sure Chelsea had sealed their spot in the semifinals because Liverpool needed two more goals in order to knock Chelsea out. And as if to remove any further doubts, Chelsea made it 3-2.

Liverpool were down and out. The game was into the last ten minutes. And then, Liverpool got lucky with a goal coming from a deflection off Essien. Before anyone could comment on that, within the next two minutes, a cross, a header, and another goal! Liverpool were now leading 4-3! That scoreline hardly mattered because everyone had the aggregate in mind. Liverpool needed at least three goals to qualify, and they'd done one goal better. Only, Chelsea'd gotten in their way by scoring three goals. So Liverpool needed one more.

Strangely, I found myself wanting Liverpool to win. Did this mean I hated Liverpool lesser than I hated Chelsea? Probably not. Maybe when one is neutral towards two teams, the one which is getting pounded gets support because of sympathy. Anyway, all hopes were spifflicated when Chelsea managed to get back into the game with another goal, making it a 4-4 scoreline in the end.

A super game of football, and I can only look forward to two things:
- Pub Trivia Tuesday at Mother Egan's Irish Pub this evening
- Porto vs ManU tomorrow afternoon

Roller Coaster Ride

2009-04-12T23:20:00.021+05:30

Saturday was a fun day. Madhu came over, and we drove to SeaWorld and Six Flags. This post is going to be about some of the things we saw there. We were very lucky, considering Six Flags was open only for the Easter weekend.

The Shamu Show (SeaWorld)
Big deal they make of it. It isn't. The hype, we felt, was too much. All you see is a killer whale jumping around and splashing water. OK that was acerbic. I do admit I was pretty amazed at how they trained the whales to do some of those tricks (many of them, with coordination) but I really felt the Beluga Show was much better. It's where some dolphins and acrobats performed together. I was amused at one point in the Shamu Show, when four swimmers dived in at four different points in the pool, swam to the opposite sides and got out and posed for applause. What was that?

The Great White (SeaWorld)
This was the roller coaster in SeaWorld. It looked like fun, and it was. It was thrilling, I can say. Nice prelude to Six Flags, we thought.

Goliath (Six Flags)
The first ride in Six Flags. I guess we were 'prepared' so well from The Great White that this didn't feel scary at all. It was fun, but not scary. So we compared this to The Great White and decided they were somewhat of the same level. Some nice loops, turns, twists, etc. There was a nice picture taking point after the second loop in the ride though. Neat job.

Poltergeist (Six Flags)
This was a winner. It was our favourite ride and we went twice on this thing (which is a big deal, considering the lengths of those queues- I wish the queues weren't that long). It starts off with a bang; 95 km/h within a few seconds, and you're shooting off into a gigantic metal jilebi. No slow climb to a drop or anything. Starts fast, goes on fast. Awesome fun. It was hilarious watching other people's expressions when the ride started off super fast, unexpectedly. I think this has been one of the best rides I've been on.

Superman: Krypton Coaster (Six Flags)
This thing is a huge roller coaster. It's very tall, has huge loops and drops. That's pretty much it. It is fun, but again, not scary. Nice change though.

The Rattler (Six Flags)
Now after all those other rides, we saw this huge coaster which was mostly made of wood. I thought it was going to be nothing. It looked harmless, and we found out it had no flips. The way the wooden framework was shaking worried us a bit. I decided to be a Lancelot and took out my camera and held it in my hand to take pictures during the ride. It will suffice to say that I did take pictures, but I came out feeling like a rat rolling downhill in a tin can. How grossly we underestimated this ride. It was called The Rattler for a reason. Oh boy, did it rattle every bone in our bodies. At the first drop, we were so up high. I turned around and clicked to capture the height we were at. And then as I mentally prepared (already gloating) to take snaps while dropping, the fun started. We were shaking about so much, I later thought of an autorickshaw ride on a pot-hole-ridden road, fondly. That would feel like a Rolls Royce or Limousine ride. This roller coaster ride has truly been well made, and lives up to its name one hundred percent. This was our second favourite, after Poltergeist. Kind of cool to see that an old school wooden roller coaster like this can thrill you so much, with speeds reaching upto 104 km/h.

On a side note, there were a couple of things that struck me about yesterday.
- Why do girls here wear shorts that make boxers looks like gangsta wear? I guess it's OK to wear them generally, but I don't see the logic behind covering yourself up well in the cold, with a sweatshirt and all, but walking around as if you forgot to wear pants.
- The amount of public displays of affection hit me like a smack in the face. Standing in the queues was sometimes a pain in the ass with crazy families encouraging their kids to climb all over you, and couples, all gung ho about each other, going haywire with their PDAs. Yeesh!

Drinks Enadru MaaDidira?

2009-01-31T11:04:00.005+05:30

Place: some road, Bangalore.
Date: 29th Jan '09
Time: 10:45 PM

I am driving down a road to get home in time to escape those "look at the time - how irresponsible you've become - when you were a kid you used to listen to us" lectures. The black visor of my helmet is down. Luckily, I don't run into the two cops waving to me, meaning "stop". I figure they want to check if I'm drunk. So I stop, and open the visor.

Cop: Drinks enadru maaDidira?
Me: [Silent, I look at him. I really don't know why I don't say anything.]
Cop: Yelli blow maaDi.
Me: [Leaning, I blow silently.]
Cop: [Gesturing] Sari hogi.

'Big deal,' I hear you say. But the highlight of this small story was, when he asked me to blow, he came close and brought his ear to my mouth.

In Soviet Russia, blogs read YOU!

2008-11-03T17:26:00.002+05:30

A: Dude check this out- In Soviet Russia, music listens to YOU!
B: Haha, good one.
A: Oh! Oh! I remember another neat one- In Soviet Russia, all our base are belong to YOU!
B: Ha! Nice..
A: Oh! I made this up just now- In Soviet Russia, your ass wipes YOU!
B: Hehe.. Good good.
A: In Soviet Russia, fines pay YOU!! In Soviet Russia, sunscreen wears YOU!!!!!
B: Hmm..
A: Oh! In Soviet--
B: Hey wait I got one! In Soviet Russia, fuck YOU!

Wheels

2008-10-30T10:49:00.002+05:30

On a fine morning, with the bright sun overseeing the biting cold turn into a pleasant freshness, there're few things that can beat a motorcycle ride with Rob Halford singing in the background:
Wheels of fire
In my soul
Wheels of fire wheels of fire
Let 'em roll
[Judas Priest - Wheels of Fire]

Patent This!

2008-10-24T17:00:00.002+05:30

Did you know that there are patents for a jumping snail, a bubble blowing elephant, an animal shaped punch toy, a self-congratulatory pat on the back apparatus and a toy animal with an illuminated belly? And these are serious patents with detailed descriptions and diagrams! As we all probably know by now, 35 U.S.C. 101 (Inventions patentable) talks about what can be patented. It says, “Whoever invents or discovers any new and useful process, machine, manufacture, or composition of matter, or any new and useful improvement thereof, may obtain a patent thereof, subject to the conditions and requirements of this title.” Keeping this in mind, it is most amusing how many patents there are that make you think- Did the examiner grant this because he was too tired to bother about arguing with the inventor?

Consider, for example, the patent for a method of exercising a cat. The inventors (yes, it actually took two people to come up with this) disclose a novel method of exercising a cat. And since the patent came into play about 15 years ago, you could still get sued if you got caught playing with a cat by pointing a laser beam around it. Because that’s what the invention is- a method to exercise a cat by “directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct”. In other words, what a three-year-old baby boy would do with his pet cat if he had one of those pen-shaped laser pointer toys. There can be only two explanations to the patent being granted; Either this was all a satirical masterpiece (in which case the fact that it took two inventors to come up with this is thoroughly justified) or the examiner decided to grant this patent in order to prevent future incidents of shooting hot coffee through his nose because of hysterical laughter.

As if the patents aren’t bizarre enough, Google Patents chokes up some patent titles with grave spelling errors. Just to show how much of a difference they can make, a patent for a coat hook is titled Goat Hook. And a patent for a bun making machine is titled Bum Making Machine. In addition to this, there are some seemingly inexplicable errors in the title. Who could explain why a patent for a pair of wheeled ski skates was titled Available Cow? I searched for ‘available cow’ just to be sure that the word ‘cow’ didn’t have some other less commonly known meaning, when I saw two results for ‘available cow’ and many others for ‘best available cow’. The words ‘Best Available Copy’ were the culprits. Though I don’t know why ‘copy’ was repeatedly mistyped as ‘cow’.

But errors apart, there is still a large number of patents that seem to compete with each other for usefulness. Rather, the lack of it. For instance, who would want to grow a unicorn?! There is a patent for a “method of forming a one-horned animal from an animal normally having a horn bud growing from a normal position on each side of the head”! Then there’s the patent for a device for treatment of hiccups which is basically a metallic cup of water attached to one’s head along with electrodes to shock your upper lip. One would rather suffer from hiccups than go around looking like a feeding horse while getting shocked. Add to this the feminine undergarment with calendar, kissing shield and Santa Claus detector, and one’s left wondering what exactly the motive is behind patenting these absurd things. 35 U.S.C. 41(Patent fees; patent and trademark search systems) clearly states the costs involved in the patenting process. Is it that the inventors are actually rich folks who want to get a kick out of patenting something? Surely they must be expecting something in return for their investment of time, thought and money in actually drafting a detailed patent with descriptions, drawing, etc. Do they seriously hope to earn millions of dollars, expecting women to wear intimate calendars and kids to detect the coming of Santa Claus? One can only be left wondering about these things, while assured that nothing in this world can escape the bizarre and the oddballs.

Laugh It Out

2008-10-19T21:07:00.006+05:30

I learnt of this site called Laugh It Out recently. Saw some jokes I hadn't come across before! So here are some gems from the site. I guess it's nice to read these jokes continuously without getting interrupted by suggestive ads that make you think of losing your stomach fat. Imagine that! The sheer guts with which they conspire to get you out of your healthy, vegetative state as you sit all curled up in front of the TV or computer and munch some more chips and chocolate.

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An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.
As he neared a lake he came across a very large beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point precisely".

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Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men had only missed one of the questions on the test. All the other questions were answered correctly.

The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thanks to both of you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."

Murphy said, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, I should get the job!"

The manager replied, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" asked Murphy.

The manager replied, "Simple. The American put down for question five, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"

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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope … due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So … what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for … a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fucking map!"

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Emily Sue passed away and Billy-Bob called 911. The 911 Operator told Billy-Bob that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Billy-Bob replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Billy-Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

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Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing under the bridge pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '

Barack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my plane.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.'

Barack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!'

The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!'

Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.'

The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!'

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"Can't," breathes the bartender. "He's not here. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies ― two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22″ was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

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Bill catches a taxi home one evening and the cabbie charges him almost double the usual fare and when Bill complains he becomes abusive. Bill resolves to get his revenge if he comes across this taxi driver again.

A week later Bill goes to get a cab home and notices the driver from the week before is third in the taxi rank.

He strolls up and gets in the first cab, once inside he tells the driver that he doesn't have any cash but if he takes him home he'll give him a blow job. The cab driver goes mad and kicks him out of his cab.

Bill now gets into the second cab and makes that driver the same proposition: a blow job for a lift home. The second driver also refuses and kicks him out.

So now Bill gets into the third taxi, the guy who ripped him off, and asks to be dropped a few blocks away.

As the cab drives off Bill smiles at the first two drivers and gives a big thumbs up…

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.

"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"

The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?

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An old farmer in Darwin had owned a large property for several years. He had a large dam in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, palm trees, and some avocado and mango trees. The dam was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the dam.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned and grumbled, "I didn't come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked." Holding the bucket up he yelled, "I'm here to feed the crocodiles."

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Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, “I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?”.

Jose says, …. “Look at your sign, what does it say?”

Carlos’ sign reads, “I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.”

Jose says, “No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars.”

Carlos says, “So what does your sign say?”

Jose shows Carlos his sign……It reads, “I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico….”

_____________________________________

Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of students played a prank on the school. They let three goats loose in the school. Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4. Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.

_____________________________________

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Dave said, ‘Man, I wish we had something to drink!’

Jim says, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?’ So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.

The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It’s Jim. Jim says, ‘Hey, how do you feel this morning?’

Dave says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’

Jim says, ‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?’

Dave says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff—no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.’

‘ Yeah, well there’s just one thing.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Have you farted yet?’

‘No.’

‘Well, DON’T, ‘ cause I did and I’m in Perth. ’

______________________________________

A man who was called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.

“Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper,” the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.”

Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma.

“Let me tell you a story,” replied the Rabbi. “A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. ‘Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.’ But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a v-neck right down to your navel.”

The man protested: “What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?”

The Rabbi replied, “No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed.”

______________________________________

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. ‘You know what?’ says the 6 year old. ‘I think it’s about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, ‘When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.’ The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, ‘Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.’

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, ‘You can stay there until I let you out!’

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, ‘And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?’

'I don’t know,' he blubbers, ‘but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be Cheerios!’

______________________________________

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, “All right. Get in.”

______________________________________

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.”

The Frenchman says, “I take ze poison.” The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, “A pistol for me, please.” The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, “God save the queen!” and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, “Gimme a fork.” The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over — the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

There’s blood gushing out all over, it’s horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, “What are you doing???”

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, “So much for your canoe, asshole!”

______________________________________

______________________________________

An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."

The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."

______________________________________

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, “Do you have water?”

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”

The Taliban shouted, “Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!”

“OK, OK” said the old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.”

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead… “Your fucking brother won’t let me in without a tie!”

______________________________________

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?” After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. “Yes. Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say yes or did she say no?” He couldn’t remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. No even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say Yes or did you say No?”

He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, Yes, yes I will and I meant it with all my heart.” Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”

______________________________________

A burglar broke into a house and shined his flashlight around looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying: ‘Jesus is watching you.’

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked off his flashlight and froze. When he heard nothing more he continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out he heard: ‘Jesus is watching you.’ Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically. Finally, in the corner of the room his light beam came to rest on a parrot.

‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.

‘Yep,’ the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you
that he’s watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’

‘Moses,’ replied the bird.

‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird
Moses?’

‘The kind that would name a Rottweiler Jesus’.

_______________________________________

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says: ” License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says: “What for?”

Glasgow cop says: “You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.”

London Lawyer says: “I slowed down, and no one was coming.”

Glasgow cop says: “You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.”

London Lawyer says: “What’s the difference?”

Glasgow cop says: “The difference is, you ave to come to complete stop, that’s the law, License and registration, please!”

London Lawyer says: “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.”

Glasgow cop says: “Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.”

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the hell out of the lawyer and says, “Do you want me to stop, or just slow doon?”

_______________________________________

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive redhead comes in and wants to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She says, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm bottomless.' With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling 'Momma needs a new pair of pants!'

She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers: 'YES!
I WIN! I WIN!'

With that she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, 'What did she roll anyway?'

The other one answers, 'I thought YOU were watching!'

_______________________________________

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"Well, honey, I smoke five packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "Five packs of cigarettes!!!"

"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-eight," he said.

_______________________________________

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror

_______________________________________

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction centre, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first?"

_______________________________________

CEO was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:

Your wife called, she wants her sign back!

_______________________________________

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid.

The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart
attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'"

_______________________________________

_______________________________________

Ferrari - Singapore: MFEO

2008-10-01T14:30:00.003+05:30

First of all, it has to be acknowledged that the Singapore Formula1 Grand Prix was a big success. It had all the hype and excitement it could have, and it lived up to it. At least in my opinion. Of course, it wasn't completely free of complaints; most teams and drivers were bothered by the 'bumpy' nature of the track, and the pit-lane entry and exit. But given that this is a new track, it will get better with time and the organizers will make sure that minor changes are made to the pit-lane entry and exit by next year.

It was a commendable effort indeed. All those lights (three millions watts of power) which brought the whole place alive that night! Something to remember. I even got my parents interested in the race by talking about it.

But enough has been said about the Singapore Grand Prix. I'd like to talk about something else that came up after the race.
"Ferrari president Luca di Montezemolo has poured scorn on Sunday's Singapore Grand Prix, saying the "circus" track and the use of the safety car had been humiliating for Formula One."
Well, Mr. Luca di Montezuma, very convenient! I'm sure your views would remain the same had your two cars actually raced till the end. For those of you who didn't know, the Ferrari (Italian for 'sore losers') drivers did superbly well in this race. I really could not have asked for more from them.

The great Massa, after his pit-stop, tried to get back into the race with the fuel hose still attached to his car (see the beautiful pictures). And Mr. Luca di Montezuma has the balls to call the track a "circus" and blame it and the safety car! Firstly, the track is the same for every driver and every team. I don't know how he dared to publicly blame the circuit for his team making complete idiots of themselves while the rest of the drivers raced normally, refuelled normally without taking along a souvenir with them, and finished the race normally. With some excitement too. Secondly, the safety car is out for a reason. While the stewards clean up some debris from somebody's accident, the remaining drivers should at least be safe so they can race again. What does Mr. Montezuma want, his cocky Ferrari bitches to go zooming around at 300 km/h so they can puncture their tyres after a blind corner, make minced meat out of the stewards and take a spectator or two along with them? What a horrible loser.

"When we race on tracks which should be used for the circus, anything can happen including the spectacle of the safety car," Di Montezemolo told Gazzetta dello Sport. "All this is humiliating for Formula One and it is an aspect I want to talk about with the other teams in the next few weeks."
Well guess what Luca di Muzowawa! When you race on tracks with cars coloured like radioactive vomit driven by drivers who don't want to let go of their fuel hoses, a circus is what you would be reminded of, yes. Humiliating for Formula1 to have such cry-babies among other racing teams, yes! I hope the other teams do what I think they should do when this moron calls for a meeting- wear fuck-you hats and show the finger and smile.

For the president of a team which uses a colour which even a 5-year-old would hesitate to use lest he be called 'kiddish', calling the track a circus is pretty fucking brash. I suggest Luca di Minchowawa to go work on his team tactics a bit and teach his drivers not to be so attached to their refuelling equipment, rather than making shitty complaints about a brilliant racing circuit. I'm pretty sure he will complain in the next race (the Japanese Grand Prix) that his team was distracted by Sumo wrestlers wrestling. In a tournament in South America. 40 years ago. Thickheaded piece of shit. Figures, such a shitty team to have such "Presidents".

The Flexibility Tag

2008-09-29T14:00:00.006+05:30

Tagged. You pick ten interesting or common phrases (five from the post that tagged you) and write the lyrics they remind you of. Everything is flexible.

1. "Wine, Women and Song"
Wine, women an' song
You get what you can
But don't take too long
[Whitesnake - Wine, Women an' Song]

2. "...and bomb blasts rocked city-X today..."
Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn
Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn
Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn
Burn, burn, yes ya gonna burn
[Rage Against The Machine - Bombtrack]

3. "Relax!"
Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can do
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you
[Mika - Relax, Take It Easy]

4. "Actions. Not words.”
Everybody wants a piece of the action
Everybody needs a main attraction
I got what everybody needs
Satisfaction guaranteed
And everybody wants a piece of the action
[Def Leppard - Action]

5. "Far from the madding crowds"
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West Virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
[John Denver - Country Road Take Me Home]

6. "I dare ya! I double dare ya, motherfucker!"
I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
(But we've got the biggest balls of them all)
[AC/DC - Big Balls]

7. "Burning fire"
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn
Burn, motherfucker, burn
[Bloodhound Gang - Fire Water Burn]

8. "Goodnight, Sweetdreams"
I tuck you in, warm within
Keep you free from sin
'til the sandman he comes
[Metallica - Enter Sandman]

9. "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!"
It's another tequila sunrise
Starin' slowly 'cross the sky, said goodbye
[Eagles - Tequila Sunrise]

10. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn"
I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't
I don't care if you don't care
[Green Day - Jesus of Suburbia]

The people I tagged are Sanketh, Deepika and Kavitha.

A Tale of Two Poems

2008-09-24T16:47:00.001+05:30

You should dance.
Wearing earrings but not a necklace.
Don't be ashamed to hide
your celebrated face.

Nisha has pink gums.
I have big bums.

We appreciate.
We don't depreciate.

You should walk the streets of wall street.
Keep your movements and activities discreet.
Feel free to charge.
Cops ain't out at large.

Tara the whore
Is never a bore.

She's a wonderful sentinel.
Her wild side stuck to a kennel.

You have micro (y)ears.

:-*

-- -- -- -- --

Pink gums are fine
Big bums when waxed, shine
Oh hairy legs of mine
I know you don't miss Goa's brine

Bowling, pool, live jazz and booze
You did it all this weekend but then you hit snooze
That's when your monster monday began
Tara you whore, become a man

Nisha and mini wrote you a poem
While you were vegetating at home
Please return some courtesy somehow
They expected it , probably too late now

While nisha has college and mini has med school
You doze off at work and look like a fool
Send this to them, quick, save some respect
May the sun shine on your tara, may you stand erect

:-*

Gorm's Wisdom

2008-09-13T15:10:00.000+05:30

A compilation- Gorm's wisdom, in five categories:

Friends:
- You can listen a lot before your ears fall off.
- A good neighbour is better than a brother in another town.
- A clever tongue is better than a combed head.
- Follow the custom or flee the country.
- Like children play best.
- With bacon and flour it's easy to make friends.
- It's better to make friends with the moon than with all the stars.
- Fish and guests start to smell on the third day.
- Howl with the wolves you're with.
- You can't expect more from a cow than a moo.

Money:
- Better to go to bed without dinner than to wake up in debt.
- Don't sell the pelt before you shoot the bear.
- Don't straddle wider than your pants can stand.
- Crumbs are also bread.
- Experience makes you wise but seldom rich.
- Young gluttons become old beggars.
- Good advice is expensive.
- Don't buy a cat in a sack.
- Leave enough honey for the bees.
- Tactless hens get neither quack nor corn.

Love:
- Beer makes great words.
- Love and coughing are hard to hide.
- The last cow gets the worst grass.
- The devil didn't know what hell was until he got married.
- Sweet scratching is often followed by a sting.
- When the heart is full, the mouth runs over.
- Love knows hidden ways.
- Better well hanged than badly married.
- Hunger is the best cook.
- What you save for the night you save for the cat.

Life:
- Better thin beer than an empty keg.
- Behind the clouds the sky is always blue.
- If you can't lift the stone, let it lie.
- It's better to be an only child than an only horse.
- Don't slam the door with your nose in it.
- You can't spear eels on a rabbit hunt.
- He who has many irons in the fire burns some.
- A man is a man in his house, even if he's no bigger than a mouse.
- Don't make more batter than you can bake.
- Those who lick everywhere get splinters in their tongues.

The Future:
- Praise the day after the sun goes down.
- You don't always ride the day you saddle up.
- He who prophesizes either lies or speaks the truth.
- As long as it creaks, it holds.
- If you want the kernel, you must crack the nut.
- Nothing is so bad that it couldn't be worse.
- If you can wait, you can be king of Sweden.
- Right shall have its time.
- Everything has an end - except sausage, which has two.
- In a hundred years, everything is forgotten.

Lost In Translation

2008-08-31T23:29:00.007+05:30

When some English sentences are translated through a series of languages, using an online translator such as this (which I used), the results can be quite amusing. I kept trying it out for different lines, in random language-orders. Check out the results. I really cannot comment on them because they're funny enough themselves. The last one takes the prize, killer!

Original Line
Language-Journey
Translation

Friendship is like peeing on yourself. Everyone can see it, but only you feel the warmth.
English > Bulgarian > Czech> Italian > Norwegian > Portugese > Romanian >
Arabic > Croatian > Danish > German > Greek > French > Finnish > English
Friends, such as urination. And everyone can see, only feel the heat.

I should be working. Instead, I'm cursing my nose for being so useless
and the air conditioner for freezing my balls off.
English > Arabic > Croatian > Danish > Dutch > Finnish >
German > Hindi > Japanese > Norwegian > Portugese > Russian >
Swedish > Spanish > Romanian > Polish > Italian > Greek > French > English
I hope that works. On the other hand, my nose and a curse,
the freezing of waste into the air and air MAIBORU.

Sometimes we walk like we were shot through our heads, my love.
We write a song in space like we're already dead and gone.
English > Spanish > Russian > Swedish > Chinese > Croatian >
Bulgarian > Japanese > Finnish > German > Greek > Norwegian > English
Sometimes, we expect our heads in our case, my love.
Space We wrote this song, we are dead, and the language of acres.

The day I come to work jumping from tree to tree, my life will be good.
English > Finnish > French > German > Chinese > Croatian >
Czech > Dutch > Romanian > Russian > Swedish > Spanish > English
Day, I Sarit fact that transform a tree to tree, my life is good.

I thought you said you were gonna be cool.
Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous.
And when I get nervous, I get scared.
And when motherfuckers get scared, that's when motherfuckers accidentally get shot.
English > Chinese > Hindi > Greek > German > Italian >
Japanese > Koran > Finnish > Polish > Portugese > Norwegian > English
Together with SUIT want to get the rest.
Now, when you are in my hojji strong nerves. If my fears nerves.
In the case of fear at this stage, motherfuckers motherfuckers syatipnida here.

This is your last goddamn chance, alright?
I'm fuckin' serious. I don't like barking orders
but when pricks like you cannot take things seriously
and laugh for every tiny little shit,
I have to resort to driving my words hard into your fucking thick skull.
English > Norwegian > Polish > Hindi > Greek > Russian >
French > Japanese > Chinese > Bulgarian > Croatian > English
This is your last chance for the country, and how to go "I fuckin 'seriously.
I Bark orders, the police, serious things,
you can not, all the little outside the youth, should mention the case,
my way so thick black correctly De difficulties.

That's what I love about these high school girls, man.
I keep getting older, they stay the same age.
English > Dutch > Czech > Chinese > Arabic > Croatian >
Japanese > Polish > Norwegian > Greek > Russian > Swedish > English
There is a gymnasium, as these girls, as a man.
Age is also available in the same age yet.

You're answering questions that have not yet been asked.
All sparks will burn out in the end.
You burn like a bouncing cigarette on the road.
All sparks will burn out in the end.
English > Spanish > Russian > Swedish > Chinese > Croatian >
Bulgarian > Japanese > Finnish > German > Greek > Norwegian > English
You are not the answer. All sparks to burn until the end of last year.
It is burning with cigarettes will continue its path.
All sparks to burn until the end of last year.

I rock, I rave, I misbehave. You moan, you sigh, I touch the sky.
English > Spanish > Russian > Swedish > Chinese > Croatian >
Bulgarian > Japanese > Finnish > German > Greek > Norwegian > English
And rocks, raverskih tuluma, inappropriate behavior.
You anasanoun, groan, INZASUKAI to contact me.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Yo mama stinks, and so do you.
English > Spanish > Russian > Swedish > Chinese > Croatian >
Bulgarian > Japanese > Finnish > German > Greek > Norwegian > English
Roses are red or blue, I smelled in the chest, what's next?

The $10 Haircut

2008-08-04T13:18:00.003+05:30

Now from the title you might be led to think that I will be talking about a haircut that cost about Rs.420. Che! No way. How could I even think of wasting so much money on just a haircut. I'm going to talk about the haircut, oil massage AND conditioning that cost me Rs.450.

Those of you who've had a close encounter with my hair will know what a bitch it is. My hair. It would suffice to say that I've had many many haircuts in my life and about 2% of those have come out good. And so for this reason (and also because mom got fed up of my constant cribs while I did nothing about it) she said, "Why don't you go to that saloon in Malleswaram? I've heard it's nice."
"But what if that sucks too? Won't I be wasting a hundred rupees on a bad haircut.."
"Just see. If it's bad then back to the pavilion."

And so that is how I found myself entering Cultural Men's Parlour on a fine Sunday morning. Immediately, my dreams of lending my head to a good looking woman while she sexily went chop-chop, were shattered. Nonetheless, I proceeded to sit on the chair. A cross between a dentist's chair and a barber's chair. The dude then started his job and soon I'd lost about 2 kg of my weight in hair alone. Relief. Anyway, I thought he'd brush my face and let me go but instead, he suggested, "Sir, get conditioning done. Your hair is very stiff and bla bla.."
"Oh, OK. How much will it cost?"
"Rs.350 oil massage, sir. And Rs.350 conditioning. So total Rs.700."
...
"OK, no need. Just haircut is enough."
"OK, sir."

And then he added some finishing touches to the haircut, which'd cost Rs.50. But again, I didn't see it coming.
"Sir, I will make sure it'll fall within Rs.500, get conditioning done, sir. Because your hair is very stiff and bla bla.."
-[What the heck.. I've never had a head massage and all before, and now I'm earning. Fuck it]-
"OK, fine. Do the thing", I said.

I am glad I gave him the GO signal because the next 5 - 7 minutes would make all the hair on my head cry and say, "Tejas, we've troubled you all your life but you just gave us this wonderful treatment. We don't know how to thank you. We love you." He first came with a huge can of oil or whatever, and then poured the cool liquid on my head. He then proceeded to vent all his life's frustration and anger on my poor head, but heck.. I needed a bit of that anyway. After that, he brought some kind of machine and oh joy! The most beautiful thing I've felt on my head. A weird vibrating, massaging machine it was. But heavenly. I wished he'd continue that for another ten minutes while I closed my eyes and ... Ahh.

So after the oil massage came the conditioning bit. He brought something called "Shea butter whatever", I think. And after taking a frighteningly large amount in his hand, applied it onto my head. After some more nice rubbing and massaging and what not, came the next step - funky looking machine. With a dome and everything. I was curious about those things and was happy to see that I'd be experiencing one of them. But lady luck said yeah, right and so the damn power didn't work for the machine. After trying for 3 - 4 minutes, he gave up and neatly took it back the way he'd brought it. Damn! So then, while I waited, I kept myself entertained by observing how an imp of a kid was testing a barber's patience by jerking around and not letting him cut, while the barber tried desperately in Tamil to get the kid to sit still. Anyway, my man then brought some can to heat water and generate steam. Stupid piece of shit was spewing hot water and that was really making me nervous because, very intelligently, the barber had left it such that the steam-hole was facing me. And as if to confirm that his intentions were evil, he managed to spill a few drops of boiling water on my legs. I was impressed with my lack of reaction. Anyway, what he did next very nearly made me shit my pants; he brought the can of boiling water up to my head in a pouring position. -[Holy mother of- Please no please no please no!!!]- And then he let the steam touch my head.. phew. So this was apparently the substitute for the dome-machine. I was still uneasy with the bugger holding that hot can of water up at my head but then it got over soon.

He then asked me to come front to the sink. I did not know how exactly he wanted me to position myself, but I guess I chose the worst. I dipped my head down (kind of a drowning position, probably what the evil barber wanted anyway) and then he let the water flow. Bloody thing made me a bit nervous too. If you don't know what I'm talking about, hang your head upside down in a sink and have an evil barber spray cold water on you. I consciously told myself, "in through the mouth, out through the nose, in through the mouth, out through the nose,.." sheesh!

Finally, after everything, it did feel good, I have to admit. I asked him how much it cost, and he said 450 bucks. After paying and while going out, I saw another poor soul bent over while a barber punched his back in several places. Most amusing... So that was that! My own hard-earned money and Cultural Haircut experience! Though I think I'll just stick with just a haircut from next time. Hmmm.. Or mayyyybe just once every few months..

Busy in my Stream of Consciousness

2008-07-09T18:36:00.004+05:30

Hello. The purpose of this post is to satisfy my sudden urge to blog. In essence, it is a random post with no subject as such. Currently, work is going great. Which explains why I'm writing here. Before you jump to any conclusions, the story behind this is that I actually finished an assigned part of my job and my 'mentor' asked me to "Chill maar" when he saw on my face the question- "What should I do now?".

Since I bought a motorcycle and have been using it for nearly a month now, a few notes:-

I love 'getting back' at those highly irritating umm.. people who honk. There you are, at a traffic signal. It's red. About a minute or so, says the digital display next to the lights (Lately I've been coming across these tickers with the numbers counting down at every half a second. I wonder why.. Nonetheless, I'm happy that the impatient thickheads who think they're starting their vehicles with 20 seconds to go, are actually doing it only with 10 seconds left). You switch off your engine. Maybe hum that damn song which has been stuck in your head for two days now. Maybe take a look around and actually see something beyond the vehicles. 'Oh! So this is that restaurant I heard abou--' BEEEEEEP. BEEEP BEEEEP. What the fuck? It's a goddamn red light!! If I could actually move out of your way I wouldn't be standing there in the first place, you moron.

What I do when people impatiently honk is try and slow them down even further. It's much more fun seeing them boil this way than suffering the risk of getting into unnecessary trouble by showing them one of your fingers. In the rare case that the person actually is in a hurry, he will find a way around. Probably increasing your vocabulary of swear words as he goes along. As for the people who honk during a stop signal, a possible tactic would be to find your way around to come in front of that vehicle and then casually start your engine about 5 seconds after the green light comes on. It is pure joy to watch their faces go red and twisted when they realize that their horns cannot get any louder when they actually need it.

Dogs. I never thought I'd both want a pet dog myself and hate dogs at the same time. There is this house in my neighbourhood where they've taken care of a particular street dog and given it a home. Now there's absolutely no problem with this. It is good that they've done something nice for the animal. But giving it a home also means that you keep it in its home during night as well. I do not understand why someone would keep a dog within their house compound during the day but let it out at night. This dog, now that it has a master who takes care of it and all, has now become the official informant to the leader of the rowdy-gang of dogs in my neighbourhood. As soon as it's let out as evening turns into night, it summons the gang and they all rest in the middle of the road and wait. For cats? For rats? For unsuspecting creatures who might turn into meals? No. Their target is the common commuter. Be it a car or a motorcycle, as soon as the headlight of a vehicle makes its presence felt on the retinae of these dogs, they sit up. And growl. And then begins the chase. The poor commuter is chased by one or more of these dogs till he shits his pants and decides to come home early or take another route. Now how did I find this out? Not by observation, unfortunately. I came home at night once and I'd always known that street dogs could be a menace. So when I saw a pack of dogs sitting like they rule the world, on the road near my house I was a bit worried. But I had no choice so I continued and I drove through the pack. After I passed through safely, relieved, I thought 'not bad!'. And I started slowing down as my house approached. I looked to the right to see if any vehicles were coming, to move conveniently and park. At that point, I had hardly moved my head five degrees to the right when my brain told me, "DUDE! THE FUCKING DOG IS CHASING YOU RIGHT AT YOUR LEG!" And like I was just given the GO-signal at a MotoGP race, I twisted the accelerator and within no time I was in another road, speeding in a way I had never imagined could be done on that tiny road next to my house. But not as fast as my heart rate. I had no clue where the dog was. All I cared about was that I had every part of me, with me. Curses and deep breaths.. Engine off, push bike home. Those damn dogs still continue to prowl around the area and I make sure I take a different approach home everyday, after switching off the engine of course. The feeling of getting safely into the garage and closing the gates without a dog lurking around is comparable to the happiness obtained from a Cream Brandy cookie (Cookie Man).

Lastly, I take immense pride in stating that I witnessed one of the best tennis games ever. Nadal vs. Federer. Though interlaced with half-sleep-dreams and pools of drool collecting as I shamelessly dozed off on the bean bag due to lack of sleep, it was a fun evening and night of sports. After a point, I made myself stand up so I wouldn't sleep. I'm glad it worked.

Finally Free

2008-05-30T19:30:00.000+05:30

I was reading some blog, and I thought- why not write something random for my mostly-dead blog? The most obvious thing that came to mind was about how I'm back in Bangalore for good and all the happy feelings associated with it. So i clicked on "new post" and just when I realized I've to think of a title, I realized what song was playing; Finally Free. Just perfect.

And just now, I got this idea of connecting the currently playing song to something random in my life.

[Now playing: Know Your Enemy. Easy! "Chennai".]

After a few intense weeks of 'hard work' for the B. Tech. Project (BTP), it was a climactic point of frustration, anticipation, hope and then relief, all during the peak heat season of Chennai. A hundred different formalities to be completed before clearing the hostel made sure that I left Chennai bitter and sweaty.

After coming back to Bangalore Sweet Bangalore, I wasted no time. I ate like I hadn't eaten in years. And then the inevitable - tummy trouble. And so after nursing it with some boring fruits and liquids, I made sure I made up for the lost time by eating healthily again.

[Now playing: Dread and the Fugitive Mind. Quite the opposite actually. Absolutely no guilt, screw you Chennai!]

Some random help around the house, catching up with a couple of school friends and a few cousins, and the week is over. I now wait for Tuesday, when I will be starting work! The only thing that bothers me in the whole universe right now, is the Bangalore traffic.

[Now playing: Astronomy. The sky. The lovely sky... Maybe I'll get to understand the whole thing much better someday. I'm still 21. It's rainy weather now. But it's all the same.]

I hope the plants have had enough water for today. Too bad they can't talk and walk.

Croc

2008-04-12T05:33:00.003+05:30

Sometimes it's lame, sometimes it's hilarious. I tried to look for it online, but why did I not find it?? When I tried "croc comic" on Google, some Killer Croc thing showed up. I'm talking about the top most comic strip in the comic section of The Hindu (Chennai version, at least). And it's not there in the e-version of the paper. They don't have the comics online. :|

Why I'm posting this is because I found today's (11th Apr) Croc strip funny. It went something like this-

A is standing and finishing a phone conversation with his mom, "It's great Cecil Hicks invited you to your nursing home dance, Mom" while B is looking and listening.

B then asks A, "Can Cecil be trusted?"

A replies, "If he misbehaves, Mom will unplug him."

DID you not laugh??

taadaadii

2008-02-15T03:39:00.003+05:30

This is a special post. For some reason. Why? Because the universe decided so. The force which controls all of us made a decision that we could not evade. We couldn't overcome this great force. What happened? What happened to our will power? Our any-other-thing? No idea.

What matters is this force. The force which may sing 'Adupambe' or may say 'Go', (who knows where) just belies everything. Every damn thing on earth. In the universe. It cannot be overcome. Why? No why. Nobody asks why. Rather, those who ask why are dissatisfied because they don't get the answer to "Why?". AAaaadu paaambeee.... something something. AAAdddu paaamebeeee... unnpeeeda kdkajs nkjsa too fast to type.

Yanyway, the thing is, there may not be a God as such. But what there may be, is a force which decides everything. Which decides that earth is close enough to the sun to retain liquid water but not too far that the water freezes. Something which decides that mosquitoes and cockroaches are THE things in the universe no matter how much they trouble the human race. tara re dan dina din dina taaare... twice.

So, now we must respect this force and what happened... sorry. What happened was, the force interrupted to form a disruption and an abnormality and an aberration. Now, as a mechanical engineer I have to work out what the forces are. But there is only one force and that is so inexplicable that I cannot fulfil my requirements ansd,mans,dmasd.... blaaaahhhh.

No. I will not allow this to happen. So says the force, and therefore me. Buuuuut, do you know what it means? It means that we are the force. What we decide, we do and become. And so we attain what we call enlightenment which has always been present in us. The inherent nature of each of our minds t distort things out of reality is totally demolished and we are taught a lesson in life. Which brings us to the question - what is life? It is merely a chance given to us by the force to prove that we have... no, we.... ummm.. we have what it takes to take on this force.

<pause>

That was a longer pause than I thought it'd be. Now coming back to the point - the ubiquitous force which accosts human beings when they think they're everything, above all and stuff. It is something to be respected. Not worshipped. But respected. And we should all learn to live with it.

Now, I begin my.... <bulb> ....... piece. (Best word I could find... Sad, I know)

So, let us all accept in harmony that there is this force that controls the universe. That knows what was there 'before' the universe and 'outside' the universe. Can you imagine that? Can you think of what 'outside' the universe and 'before' the universe mean? No. But the force can. Because it is what controlled and made it possible.

All the shit about the big bang theory that you hear are just mere theories that jobless scientists have put up and lame humans have believed. I'm proud to say I'm not one of those lame creatures. I have understood that there is THE force, the God, as some may call it, that did it all. In anthropocentric terms, it is the man. I guess I've made my point. If you're still bulbing, then may the force be with you.

Thank You.

P.S. I have acted as a medium between the force and you. Now you may salute me and bow. In awe. In amazement. With respect. In absolute submission.

Bubye.

Hole In My Pocket

2007-11-19T13:00:00.000+05:30

There are so many things all around me that I want. I want to keep them with me. Things that give me joy or pleasure, things that bring back sweet memories, things that I know I'll always enjoy.

But it's just an illusion. I try to stuff my pocket with these things. And that's the first mistake. What I don't realize is, some of these things are like the carelessly discarded piece of chewing gum that finds its way out of the waste paper and into my pocket and dirties it. Sticks to it. So hard to remove when I've realized too late I shouldn't have kept it in my pocket, but enjoyed the gum and just thrown it away. The only difference is, I didn't keep the gum to enjoy it again later, I was just too lazy. Some things are just too big. But since I want to keep them, I force them into my pocket only to realize that it's being torn apart. Made useless. Things which I think are for my own good, teach me that I was wrong. Like a knife kept for self-defense which tears through my pocket and leaves a gash on my own thigh.

And later, after dirtying my pocket with chewing gum, scarring myself with the knife, and making the hole bigger with the things I try to force in, I realize that I already had so much in my pocket. Things that I knew always existed, but never bothered to take out and use. Things that people put in, things that I never acknowledged. But it's too late to cover up that hole. And I know what is to be done. I have another pocket on the other side, but I will not try to fill it with anything. I will see what it has and be happy for that. And make sure that I don't get a hole in that pocket too. Not before I try and patch up the hole in my skull through which I'm losing valuable grey cells.

:-)

Cold Chennai

2007-10-29T09:26:00.000+05:30

It is mighty cold in Chennai. Yes, Chennai. So I guess it is understandable that when woken up from beautiful sleep, Anush was a little lost. The conversation:

---Me: (knocking on Anush's door)
Anush: (peeps from his room, looking like he woke up from an alien experiment in another planet)
---Me: Are you going to A slot class?
Anush: (nods)
---Me: Oh you're going.. It's 7:45 or 7:50 now.
Anush: ...
---Me: Are you going or not?
Anush: You can do anything no..
---Me: Huh?
Anush: 7.5 so you can do anything.
---Me: ??
Anush: ...
---Me: What are you saying?
Anush: ... I don't know. Never mind.
---Me: OK are you going to class or not??
Anush: No.
---Me: Then gimme your cycle key.
Anush: I have .. C slot.
---Me: I'll return it after A slot.
Anush: (gets his key bunch and tries removing a key, gives up and hands it over to me)
---Me: You're removing the wrong key you moron.
Anush: Oh.
---Me: Thanks.
---Me: ... Where's your cycle?
Anush: uh.. I'm not sure.

What I've done, What I want to do.

2007-10-14T10:14:00.000+05:30

I decided to make a list all of a sudden. It's going to be a list for life. Because I love excitement, adventure, thrill. Be it life-on-the-edge activities or just absolutely fun things. List of what I've done (and would love to do again). And list of what needs to be done.

Done:
- Go-Karting.
- Bungee Jumping.
- Visit to Disneyworld, Disneyland, Universal Studios, Las Vegas.
- Rock Climbing.
- Rappling.
- River Crossing.
- Trekking in and around the Chanderkani pass, and related trips.
- Playing the drums.
- Playing Scrabble.
- Passing the Design Of Machine Elements course in college. (would not love to do again)

To Do:
- Sky Diving.
- Bungee Jumping in New Zealand.
- White water rafting.
- Kanoeing.
- Continue playing the drums.
- Continue playing Scrabble.
- Paragliding.
- Parasailing.
- Water skiing.
- Skiing.

I'd like to elaborate on some of them, maybe I will. Some time. And of course, lots more could be added in each list. For now it's zilch adventure, i.e. quizzes. (Though, TNR for quizzes in my final year!)

Of Design Cores and Geeks

2007-08-21T22:52:00.000+05:30

I just got a knock on my door. It was Anush. He was grinning and raising his arms in victory because he'd finished interviewing people- interviews for becoming a coordinator in Saarang. ("yayy i finished all my interviews")

And then he uttered one of the geekiest lines i've heard. "I'll go and write a grid generation program to finish my day on a high note."

Beat that!

Seventh Heaven, Revisited.

2007-07-17T02:20:00.000+05:30

These holidays started off in the most awesome way! I was in seventh heaven again. And I think I'm kinda still up there!
On the first day,
- I got what most guys would love to get.
- I got what most music-lovers would love to own.
- I umm.. ate? had? what most guys would love to eat/have.

I had a SUPER day out last Saturday as well. Ahhhh... Earth is a distant speck in my universe.

I'm an addict. Wordbiz is just THE most perfect thing for scrabble-lovers. After mustering up all my will power, I proudly stated yesterday that I would not play scrabble for the next two weeks. And I did not play yesterday. But tonight, I just finished playing 3 games with Anush. Damn.

I have my GRE in 2 weeks now. I'm studying as if I have it in 2 years. But hey! Look at the bright side of it; You don't see no frikkin' GRE/Barron's/WTF-this-is-english? word on my blog!

Now fortunately or unfortunately, I've been tagged by Paapi. You have to read his blog, it's hilarious.

Here are the rules:
1. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
2. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
3. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

And the facts:

1. Funny how these tiny ears of mine can give some not-so-tiny problems. Ever since I was a kid, whenever I went to get a haircut, the ear has come into play. My right ear and the area behind it towards the back of my neck, invariably get tickled by the barber's advances. It's all fine when i touch my ear or neck, or if anyone else touches it. But the barber? The ear magically knows when a man has a pair of scissors and comes close enough to chop it off. I've tried to control it SO many times, but it just doesn't work. After minutes of controlling, the ear finally decides enough is enough, and gives me a jolt going down to my hips. And then the barber curses me for shifting, and gets some first aid for the cut behind my neck. Good thing is, it has considerably reduced over the years. Now there's no shock going down to my waist. It just stays near the mighty ear.

2. I wonder if people have already figured this out, but I just cannot have things out of place. Once my stationary items, cosmetic items, etc. are kept in a certain manner on the table or in the cupboard, they HAVE to stay that way for months. If anybody comes and shifts anything, I cannot concentrate on any work until that person goes and I've satisfactorily put back the object in place and admired the lay out for 5 minutes.

3. I have this fear of losing my teeth. I somehow feel that my incisors can fall off easily. And being the big bunny teeth that they are, they're gonna leave one heck of a gap if they do fall off! So it's justified that it's a fear and not just a worry. I also feel that my teeth are gradually moving forward.

4. I've always been a bad luck carrier. Right from school, all sorts of experiments have been tried only to the batch I was in! In 8th std. they suddenly decided to bring in ID cards for school. And so we all had to get them. They decided to scrap the idea after a year. Then, they got the idea of blazers. In 9th std., they changed the school uniform. In 10th or 11th or 12th, I don't remember, we had some new syllabus. In college too, our mechanical engg. batch has been the worst-hit by crazy changes in the system. The GRE pattern has changed and this again affects people from our batch onwards.

5. Going further into the past, I was taken to a school called Poorna Pragna, before my parents tried any other place. And back then, I don't think I was a very social kid. (Not that I am highly outgoing now) I used to cry when people came and asked me my name. But on that day, thankfully, there were 2 old men who were interviewing the kids for admission. They asked me numbers from 1 to 10. What did I do? I looked up at mom and said, "Mummy, MOON TATA! MOON TATA!" (I used to say moon for 2. Later i learnt moon is 3.) My highly embarrassed mom tried prompting numbers. But the men said they couldn't admit me cos I didn't know anything. And so there was my entry (or attempt to make an entry) into the world of education.

6. I absolutely hate my hair. I've hated it for years. Now I don't even use a comb, because i don't need one! I can just wet my hair and it's so horrible that I don't even need gel to make it stand however I want it to. Though many years ago, I remember trying to comb it in some fashion. But it never worked. I threw the comb and it broke. I felt SO sad because that comb I'd been using since I was a baby!

7. I just LOVE Calvin 'N' Hobbes. I've read every bit of it. I have immense respect for Bill Watterson. He's just awesome. I've read all the series though I don't have a single CNH book. One book was a friend's in school. And all the others, I've read only in Crossword near Brigade Road, Bangalore! I still grab a CNH book if it's available, whenever i go to Crossword.

8. I don't remember how I used to bathe. Because now all I do is take half an hour showers. Earlier, I never used to take so much time. When I'm in an absolute hurry, I take 10 - 15 min. Who knows, maybe i've just become cleaner!

I now tag Anush, Louda, Varun, Deepika, Debanjan, Sanketh, Wiper and Mahesh.

Things we learnt the hard way

2007-06-27T14:34:00.002+05:30

1. The Train Story

There we were, Mechanic and I, about to visit Pune for the first time, on the second day of our two-month stay in Pimpri (15 km from Pune). We were gonna meet Anush, who'd come for his cousin's wedding. We left the TELCO colony at around 1:45 PM, reached the Pimpri station around 2. And that was when we learnt that it's better for us to know the train timings first, because the next train was only at 3. Somehow, we just passed the time sitting there and observing ads with Salman, Sanjay and the like riding a bike or walking the waves, all wearing a classy banian tucked into a pair of jeans, of course. And with these ads, were the occasional Pimpri-daddys to provide entertainment (the guys who think they're looking really cool in those yellow shirts with bright red pants or vice versa.)
And then finally, the train arrived. But it would stop only for a few min. before chugging away to the next station. We just couldn't make up our mind on which bogey to get on, because every one of them was already overflowing, when we saw one particular bogey which looked less crowded. I pointed out, "This one!" and then we clambered onto The Bogey.
After 5 min., we were sitting and admiring ourselves for getting onto that bogey, while looking at our Rs. 5/- ticket. We innocently wondered why that bogey was not filled as much as the others. Then two men who looked like any other normal commuters came to us and asked us to show our ticket. We did. And then they said "get up". We looked at each other and did what they asked us to do. They said that it was a 1st class compartment, for which the ticket costs Rs. 50/-.
After much pleading and begging, we even tried to speak only in english so that those marathi men wouldn't understand us. But we gave up after he pulled out a 'charge sheet' saying "your wish.. you can go, but you'll have to go to court and settle it". *^&$*$#(%&#*&#$^*
They made us sit in some corner. I still believed they were conmen who were taking advantage of two young naive Pimpri pundits. Unfortunately my plan to take them to the stationmaster failed, when they did the same thing themselves. And so we had to shell out Rs. 300/- each for not knowing that there was a separate compartment like that.
Next time, we took a Rs. 50/- ticket (the lady at the counter did a double-take and asked if we were sure we wanted 1st class.)

2. The Rain Story

It'd hardly been a week since we'd arrived at Pimpri. Every morning we had to leave by 8. And we never really thought it was necessary to close the windows. Until one day, the universe decided to surprise us.
We came back from work at 5:30 PM after enjoying a superb shower (it's fun when it rains heavily at the factory). And what a sight! The room was half-covered with water. Half the floor had water. The beds had water. The two tables at the windows had water (with little black dirty things even). And all our books and papers (including my one GRE book, and mechanic's 150-odd GRE books), draws, everything.
We spent a good two hours, trying to dry everything.
Mechanic's Word Power book (one of his two copies) sadly could not make it. It is now resting in the kitchen with a really stinky fungal infection.
From next time, we just closed the windows.
(Note:- To this day, we don't know HOW the heck all that water came in. Because we've seen the rain from our rooms. It's nothing! So unless somebody actually took buckets and threw water inside.. NO idea.)

3. The Dhobi Story

We really had to get our clothes washed after the first week. So we looked around the area for a dhobi. And found one too. And so we just thought this might be routine, gave the clothes to him, asked when we could collect it. And then we asked the price.
"15 Rupees."
"For both shirt and pant?"
"No, each one Rs. 15/-."
And lucky for that guy, we really needed them washed! And so there went another 75 bucks from each of our pockets.
On our way back, we bought Surf Excel powder and called up our moms for washing instructions.

(more to come soon...)

Game On!! TV Off.

2007-04-24T12:03:00.000+05:30

As the world prepares to feast its eyes on some of sports' most promising events, I prepare to do the one thing I've always been good at. Cribbing.

It's a juicy showdown between Manchester United (undoubtedly the best football team ever) and AC Milan (also one of the best, but tarnished by last year's "fixing" incidents) in what could be one of the most frustrating UEFA Champions' League games for ManU fans. Thanks to the non-stop injury attacks on the defense of the Old Trafford studs.
The first leg of the semi-finals happens tonight. GO ManU!!

Another interesting scene is the cricket World Cup 2007. Though it has been rated as quite boring and even something that has flopped (I neither agree nor disagree with this), it still gives hopes of seeing a first-time winner in either New Zealand or South Africa. Tonight's semi-final game is between NZ and SriL. GO NZ!!

In Formula1, which is now taking a 4-week break while moving to Europe, the McLarens (the best team ever) are looking very strong unlike last year where they were quite poor in comparison to Ferrari and Renault. Lewis Hamilton has gone on to make the most successful debut in F1 history, by finishing on the podium all three times in his first three races. GO McLaren!!

The NBA playoffs have started. Though the Chicago Bulls are no more in the magical era that was, in the '90s, they are a part of the 16 teams competing for the championship. Once they retired as my favourites, Dallas Mavericks took their place. And as the 'dallas mavericks' key chain that I got as a birthday gift in my 11th std. suggests, I love that team (and I wish Steve Nash hadn't moved to the Phoenix Suns) and especially Dirk Nowitzki's fine moves. GO Mavericks!!

Now all that was just a boring report of the happenings in the sports world. Where did I crib you ask?? Let me begin.

There's just one thing that irritates me right now beyond all forces that could possibly stir a reaction in me. This one thing, is so painful, so boring and yet so important that if I fail to comprehend the seriousness of the situation, I will get fucked harder than an african wild buffalo could ever screw a rabbit. With its horns.
It is like those mosquitoes that make me dance while I try to shave with my 5-blade Gillette Fusion razor. It is like the chennai heat, which makes me sweat as soon as I'm done with my bath and the 5 min. after that, feeling happy about how fresh I am. It is like the email forward that makes me wild because of the bullshit it says after I scroll down the infinitely long list of 'Fwd:Fwd:Fwd:Fwd' email addresses and names.
In fact, it is much more than all this.

Yes, I'm talking about the one thing we as (normal) engineers hate. Exams. When everyone else who does not have exams sits and watches these super matches while hogging their favourites snacks, I sit and nurse the ferocious fire-bites on my ass, trying to understand what the hell goes on in an air-water mixture. Now do you understand? HOW can i not crib?? I am crying. Nothing will console me... sob... sniff..

megamuser

2007-03-31T17:30:00.000+05:30

The vastness of space and time never fails to astound me and send me reeling into deep thoughts about the pettiness of our existance and about the remarkable events that have occured to bring about that very existance, considering that the chances are so bloody low.

I find it amazing that on a time-scale spanning millions of years, the entire signature of humankind can be reduced to a tiny dot. And that this huge home of ours called the earth, is virtually nothing when seen from the perspective of an all-seeing, "beyond-the-universe eye".

It is but humbling :|

I just cannot imagine "100 millions years ago", let alone the very idea of light taking a million years to travel from one place to another. It is such an impossible task to really understand how long back that is, or how far away it is, when one talks about "light years" and "millions of years".

If I could have any impossible magical wish to come true, I would love to set my speeds to about 500,000 times the speed of light and shift gears to travel from the beginning of time, all around the universe. Just to see how everything is, and to understand and truly appreciate whatever there is.

I love the universe.

Rebirth! Phoenix! Resurrection! start reading!!

2007-03-25T10:29:00.000+05:30

OK, I just finished 'moving' my blogger account and integrating it with my google account. So, guess who's back. After nearly a year, and many "enquiries" about the death of my blog, the last one being by Photon three of four weeks back- "oi chundae, why'd you stop blogging?", I decided to blog just for the fun of it. So after weeks of contemplation and deep thinking I-have-decided-to-write-bullshit-again!! (I really spent one hour everyday thinking about the finer aspects of blogging. Or maybe it was the 10 min. in the bathroom.)

What I'm gonna yack about now is a BEAUtttiful topic - comes from the latin word procrastinatus: pro (forward) and crastinus (of tomorrow). You guessed it! Formula1!!! uh... :|

I was supposed to start blogging a couple of weeks back. I'm starting now.
I was supposed to have a bath on Friday. It is Sunday and I still haven't had one. (Don't you dare comment. I'm clean. ppbbbth.)
I was supposed to - oh crap.

-- 1 minute --

Just messaged CB and asked him the portions for my economics quiz. So I was saying...
I was supposed to start studying economics by Friday or Saturday at least. Well :)
I was supposed to watch a frikkin' MOVIE last night and I procrastinated. Can you believe it???!!

WHY do we procrastinate? Agree. Something just comes up and you get distracted. But for how long?? The phone call can't take more than a day. That irritating mosquito can't irritate you for more than a day. You don't scratch your b***s for more than... two days. So why do we keep postponing things for days or even weeks?

Surely it can't just be laziness, can it? or lack of interest?

I just realized I've never sat and thought about why we do this. Everyone procrastinates. It's a part of our lives - we wanna do some things more than the things we're supposed to do. Or something like that. But if you're a subscriber of End Procrastination Weekly, or a member of stopprocrastinatingnow.com.. Please get help :)

Aaaaannd The End. I'm bored already. But with promises of coming back, to the two or three people who actually like my blog out of the many who read this, I bid adieu. Incidentally, we're performing at ADIEU 2007 tonight. So in the highly unlikely event that you're seeing this before the evening of 25th march, do make it there!.... Who'm I kidding... bye!

Bombat Bomber

2006-05-21T15:13:00.000+05:30

If you've heard that song by Denis Leary, you can guess what the blanks are.
-'- -- -------
I think I'll be repeating that to myself quite often.

(yes, my shortest post so far.)

IC/UC - Back in Bang

2006-05-11T23:12:00.000+05:30

It is time. For me to blog? For McLaren to do some homework? For me to join Iron Maiden? No!!!!!! It's time to hog my fruit salad with butterscotch icecream! Yes. It's the third consecutive night I'm having this wonderful dessert after dinner. Maybe because I'm Home!!!!!!!

OK, the excitement has gone. I'm calm now. As some people might've guessed, I was too busy taking sweet bangalore through my five senses to sit and type out something. The reason I'm putting this here, is coz Anush said he wouldn't be coming tonight, online, to play scrabble.

And since I have no particular idea in mind, I'll just give an 'update' of stuff that may or may not involve me.

Sports! Nice week for sports.
The NBA playoffs are on. A player I like a lot, Steve Nash, got MVP. And my favourite team, Dallas Mavericks, is currently battling with the Sanantonio Spurs. It's an interesting situation at the moment, with three of the four conference semi-finals tied at 1-1.
Football! Though it was disappointing that Arse (leave the 'nal') ended up fourth in the EPL by thrashing Wigan Athletic 4-2. And Tottenham had to choose their last game to increase their loss count. Henry got a bloody hat-trick in the last ever game at Highbury, hope a dozen maggots crawled up his mouth and down his throat when he kissed the ground.
F1. My favourite, but a disappointment again. McLaren aren't showing any signs of improvement, Ferrari are looking strong, and Alonso is inching to the point where he'll feel sorry for himself for moving to McLaren from Renault next year. Just waiting for this weekend's Spanish Grand Prix..
Cricket? Oh yeah! I forgot.. It's that sport where you hold that wooden thing and whack that leather ball. Who cares.. some NZ-SA, SriL-Eng, WI-Zim,.. Lots going on, but with football and F1, cricket takes a back seat.

Back to football, last night was the UEFA Cup Finals, Middlesbrough vs. Sevilla. And I had gotten all ready to watch the game, when there was a powercut. So after a bit of cursing and trying to pass time reading some nonsense on the laptop, I gave up and lied down on my bed. And voila! Power's back. So i caught the end of the first half, and during halftime, got myself that lovely dessert and came and settled on my beanbag. Next thing I remember, I'm waking up to the cheers and celebrations of the Sevilla buggers. They'd pulverized boro, 4-0!! I missed the whole thing. One more reason why I'm an idiot.

So i've gone on and on about sports, and made this post boring enough. So a little more crap wont make a difference. I saw this on the news today - some old ladies in chennai dancing like lil kids, coz of the elections. And that just brought down my rating of that screwed up city by a few more hundreds. (On a scale of 10, Bangalore gets 10, Mumbai and Delhi get around 6, chennai gets something like -710)

I'm gonna stop with this here. Maybe I'll write next time about how lovely this weather is, about how it's raining here, about how totally opposite to chennai's hopeless weather this is, about how comfortable, unlike chennai, this is. And also about how nice home food is, how nice it is to hog so many different things (and all of which you like, unlike in the Himalayan region). And about how nice it is to get back to some school friends, talk to special people, play scrabble online,..

Hoo Hah!

2006-04-30T22:50:00.000+05:30

Just in case, I'm not the eternal crib machine, my previous few posts might make you think so. I had plans for putting up a list of the good things in life too. But I realized there were waayy to many for a list. So I dunno.

L[t²·f(t)] = ... oh shit. Gotta get back!

Get back, get back, get back to where you once belonged... Nice song --> Beatles - Get Back. catchy it is.

Now I'm thinking either I've gone mad or there really are good things.. Output signal from some form of transducer.. oh crap. I'm drifting again. :|

ONLY FOUR MORE DAYS TO GO BABY!!

STUD

2006-04-27T20:44:00.000+05:30

i was sitting on my beanbag, hogging the sweets mom and grandma made for me, and watching F1. nothing can get better right? almost. and then i slept and slept and slept. oh home feels so good. i was watching tv, i was eating good food, no worries. perfect!

and then i wake up from my afternoon nap in my room in the hostel, in chennai. i can't express in words, how bad this weather is, and how badly you wanna go home during these exams. screw the bloody dream! i was all happy and everything and then i had to come back to this fucked up reality.

i really don't know why i lost any little trace of my interest in studies. but that's the reason these exams're like taking a hot 1 inch dia. iron rod and shoving it.. uhm nevermind.

oh what the hell. every sem seems to get more miserable than the previous one. therefore, i shall stop this nonsense and go watch 70s show.

screw the universe.

Most Irritating Things

2006-04-20T17:57:00.000+05:30

- studying.
- getting up in the morning (or whenever).
- mosquitoes torturing you.
- hitting your leg (esp. shin or foot) to the table or cot.
- feeling sleepy when you don't want to sleep.
- not feeling sleepy when you want to sleep.
- people not returning your things which they've borrowed.
- people unnecessarily depending on you for small things like stationery items, water, etc.
- forgetting others' birthdays, choosing gifts for others.
- being unable to send/receive msges to/from your loved one coz of net./bal. problems.
- power cuts.
- somebody talking continuously, but not being able to tell them to shut the fuck up.
- pollution (dust, dirt, etc.).
- bad roads, bumps, humps, depressions, potholes.
- something going into your eye.
- horrible climate (eg: chennai).
- dirty bathrooms (eg: hostel bathrooms, most of the time).
- parents not allowing you to do what you want.
- scratching noises (like metal scraping the blackboard).
- cycle tyre punctures, brake failures, general problems.
- hopeless traffic (eg: bangalore traffic).
- no synchronization between audio and video in a movie.
- people dying to watch cricket when you want to watch F1.
- having no choice but to eat what is given to you.
- having to pay for every goddamn thing.
- taking a bath.
- getting blamed for something you haven't done.
- being made fun of.
- people not believing you or people being stubborn.
- managing hair (shaving, haircuts).
- the way those morons die for their hero (movie stars like rajkumar).
- alarm not working or clock stopping.
- itchy clothes.
- insects.
- people banging on your door.
- taking a lot of time for something to happen on the net.
- something you've made (like a project) not working.
- people yapping about how you'll do well though you're a loser.
- people degrading you though you're doing pretty well.
- getting a msg from 'hutch' or '123' or '7333' or '12345'..
- waiting for the last week of college to end.
- having something to say, and forgetting it the next moment coz you were interrupted.

These are just some of the things I could think of. Maybe it'll get updated. And I know there are many more things which could fall in this list.

Why Birthdays Suck.

2006-04-15T17:00:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I wish nobody in the world would care about birthdays. They may be fun, they may be 'special', people might give you gifts. But I find birthdays (apart from mine, obviously) very irritating.

Reason no. 1 is because it's so tough to remember! I can state for a fact, that I forget at least three of four birthdays every year, among the people I know quite well. And then when it hits you that you've forgotten somebody's birthday, you feel all guilty and miserable inside. I just hate it. And I don't know how to talk to that person afterwards, or what to say, etc.

Reason no. 2 is because it's so tough to choose gifts! I mean, when you want to gift someone very close to you, friend or family, it's so hard to come up with an idea. You may love that person or you may just want to give something for the sake of it, doesn't matter. Gifts are gifts. So many times, my friends and me have wasted hours and yet come up with nothing to gift another friend.

Once you're born, forget the date! Just remember that you were born in that month, that year. Special occasions like Christmas, Id, Pongal, Onam, and all the other things are perfect. Because the whole world celebrate them on the same day and hence you wont forget. You can gift somebody something on those days..

sigh.. As you might've guessed I forgot a birthday. Last week, it was my aunt's. Today I almost forgot my friend's birthday. And when it happens, they think that you don't care about them any more, 'you're too proud', blah blah. Noooo! It's just too much for the memory.

(I know, I know. Birthdays will remain for a loong loong time. And if my memory's not helping, I better do something about it. This post was just because I got so irritated.. not just off late, it's been happening for many years.)

life goes on... :|

2006-04-10T17:24:00.000+05:30

saturday.

i had slept at 1 the previous night, coz i thought i could get up early and go swimming. in my dreams! i got up more than once, as usual, but finally at around 10. and then just read the paper and babble yack huff puff it was lunchtime. so i had lunch, and thought i would come back and have bath. when i came back, my room reminded me that i had to clean it. it had been doing so for many days. it's all organized and stuff, but very very dusty. so i thought i might as well clean the room and then have bath. but i sat in front of the comp and babble yack huff puff it was evening. i had spent the afternoon playing fifa or just randomly browsing. i finally did get to the job at 5:30. and was done within an hour. all i did was clean my table, a few things here and there and sweep the floor. but very satisfying coz i can now keep my foot or hand anywhere without worrying too much about covering it, and the surroundings in dust. and then i had the much needed bath.

soon, dinnertime. and again after that, i played fifa and did some random shit (i forgot) and babble yack huff puff it was night. we went down to discuss about the treasure hunt, which was to be held on sunday. later in the night, my friends and me felt like eating something. but our wonderful sac sec (the guy who manages the place in the hostel where you get stuff to eat, stationaries, daily commodities,.. rather i should say the guy who supposedly manages that room where you supposedly get all those things) refused to give us the key to sac. so we decided to go to Ascendas - it's an expensive place situated 10 min. away from college, in some IT park. but the strawberry smoothie there is enough to drag any lazy bum and extract cash to pay for it. we went there, and surprisingly it was filled! many were iitians like us. and there were a few 'birds' too. after filling ourselves up, we returned. and i, for no reason, sat up till 4:30 am doing virtually nothing. my friends stayed till 5, i heard the next day.

sunday.

after sleeping at 4:30, i expected to get up at 6. now that's a good laugh. i'd kept my alarm timings (i have an analog one, and my cell one, both of which fail to wake me up usually) for 6 and 10. coz i knew so well i wouldn't get up at 6. funny thing is, i had no idea what my response to the alarms was, coz i got up at 7:30, 8:20, 9:30.. and finally at 11. none of which were my alarm timings! anyway, after getting up it wasn't too long before lunch. chennai sucks so much. i just wore my shirt for lunch and by the time i was back, i was all wet, with sweat. and then i decided to have a shave and bath. and i did! marvel at myself for not procrastinating.

at 4 treasure hunt was supposed to begin. it began at around 4:45; very punctual for iitians. i had taken my laptop, and we had a cam, pen drive and all for this! high tech treasure hunt. the clues weren't very tough or anything. fairly straightforward. we got the first one after sometime.. but then later i was happy to run somewhere and find another clue. so i felt i contributed. and i guess this spurred me on to dash for the next clue as well. but those other guys with me were moving real fast on their cycles, while i, with my trusty kalvin bike, struggled to keep up. finally, the inevitable happened. the fucking chain came off. and i tried to put it back, made it only worse, got my hands completely black and greasy. and i walked back to the hostel, washed up and within an hour and a half we were looking for the 'treasure'. but it got really dark and progress wasn't much. by the end, everybody knew where the thing was, so there was a whole lot of people crowded in a dark area near some temple. and i forgot to wear jeans. cursing myself in my shorts, i went through those throny itchy bushes with a couple of my hostelmates.. soon we learnt that the guy who setup this whole treasure hunt was not able to find it himself! coz it was so dark. pha! anyway our hostel came second. though i thought we deserved joint first.. still, good.

then i came back, obviously feeling that my bath was useless. but a quick facewash was enough to freshen up. had dinner, and then straight to the common room for the all important Man Utd. vs. Arsenal football match. and boy was it good! for once, the whole game was exciting. what's more, the team i support, won convincingly! cheers to ManU (they thulped Arsenal 2-0 so screw you, all you arsenal supporting losers). after that it was just my comp, me and umm.. ya that's most of it.

monday.

very rarely does a monday go well. after i managed to wake up at 8:30, i got ready to go to class. and then i go to my cycle when it hits me that the stupid chain had come off yesterday. screw it. stood there looking for ppl to hook onto. found noone. went back to the hostel and finally woke paapi up and took his cycle keys. thankfully i found his cycle quite easily and i attended the second class (first one was cancelled). later we found out that even the third and fourth weren't there. awesome! i went to pota's room along with ranjith and there we worked on our som 'project'. just a ca - i just had a feeling of deja vu - just a can, which we would crush between two plates (made of cardboard). lunchtime arrived, and i took extras for the first time - egg masala worth 5 bucks. and then we had to go to lab at 2. we went there and found out that everybody had written some report for their demo. we hadn't written anything. and when our turn came we just went there, crushed the can (our aim was to show the buckling of that diet pepsi can), and thankfully that TA never bothered about our report. so we left after sometime.

and i'm safe in the confines of my room. this is the earliest i've returned on a monday afternoon. tomorrow's our hostel nite. and also, it's a holiday, as is friday. but since we would get bored on a holiday with nothing to do, kind mr. vitto has kept his elec sciences lab for us to go visit. annnd over.

more minced meat

2006-04-03T20:23:00.000+05:30

there is a way out of everything but sometimes the way's not clear
there's always another choice but it's left out coz of fear
nobody's done it before so it doesn't seem familiar
and it is then that you wish somehow you could just disappear

of course i still have that headache
nothing consoles me no icecream no cupcake
yet again i try but i just cannot fake
on monday, your majesty, my minced meat i'll make

but today's already monday, you might ask
don't you worry, i've begun the task
be prepared with bombs of love
and get ready to release the white dove

it returned to me like a boomerang
inspired this nightingale which never sang
and since it's still there, that headache
on monday, your majesty, my minced meat i'll make

it's all as if it's in pause
nobody knows what be the cause
it follows no rules no complex laws
and that's why you never see the flaws

if only it could shout and speak out
it would make things get up and about
but alas, it wont take away that headache
on monday, your majesty, my minced meat i'll make

annnd the plot thickens some more...

minced meat for my princess

2006-04-01T20:03:00.000+05:30

the sweet concoction of love, respect, hate and fear
has just made a lot in me disappear
i think it battled with royalty and i'm sure
some princess somewhere will find that familiar

the chennai heat has drained out my sanity
the chennai heat brings out profanity
i got up with a headache, none of this is fake
maybe on monday, your majesty, my minced meat i will make

like a blind fool i go through
the pangs of guilt and sorrow
but there's something else too
which i hope, will happen tomorrow

the chennai heat has drained out my sanity
the chennai heat brings out profanity
i got up with a headache, none of this is fake
maybe on monday, your majesty, my minced meat i will make

there's something that makes me sick
but nothing can shake it away
not even a hot bangalore chic
coz that thing is here to stay

as time goes by sure as ever
i become more and more a lover
of surprises and non-expectations
and subconscious salivations

though i got up with a headache, none of this is fake
maybe on monday, your majesty, my minced meat i will make

one thing i wonder, is it sight-seeing or site-seeing?
because doesn't sight imply you're already seeing?
but then you can't say site coz it has no meaning
unless you want to look at plots of land beautiful, being
or maybe it's just a good sight so sight's right
well anyway site might also be quite alright

what matters now more than anything is
not if i'd ever smoke cannabis
but i got up with a headache, none of this is fake
maybe on monday, your majesty, my minced meat i will make

hoo hah! aannnd the plot thickens....

The Convo

2006-03-21T17:20:00.000+05:30

him: i see you just had bath.

me: oh nooo.. i went to class in my towel.

him: very funny. so how much have you studied?

me: moron. why do you keep butting in all the time. can't you leave me alone for sometime? like a few hours-

him: yeah yeah sure. now you listen to me. the reason i keep 'butting' in is because you're making an ass of yourself. what the hell are you doing man? look at your studies. are you happy with it?

me: oh i'm happy as ever my boy. you have no business bothering about my studies or whatever. so, just cock up.. for life.

him: guess what. i'm not gonna cock up. i'm gonna butt in some more and make sure you do well in whatever you're doing.

me: really? ok i'm doing this - chucking you outta my room. now make sure i do it well.

him: look, don't be a smartass ok? seriously, have you studied anything at all? your tests are on..

me: dude. leave. my studies. to me. and for your info, i did study a subject last week. and then tried to do some more yesterday and today.

him: oh and out of the so many hours you were in your room, how many did you spend studying?

me: what the hell is your problem?? first, nobody called you here. second, nobody wants your crap. third, nobody wants YOU.

him: oh that's what you think. trust me, you need me.

me: oh yeah suuure i need you. as much as i need-

him: ok enough. now really, tell me, why don't you study properly?

me: (groan) i study man. i study. but you always come when i'm wasting time.

him: and since i come more than half the time you're here, i can see how you waste time. ok maybe reading the paper is fine. but why general browsing? why watch 70s show so much?

me: that's none of your business. i don't feel like studying so i watch or do whatever i want. and when i feel like, i study.

(background: tinka tinka playing)

me: heard this song? this is one of the few hindi songs i like. all thanks to-

him: i know i know. don't try to change the topic. you gonna get your ass down and mug or not?

me: no. as a matter of fact, i'm gonna watch one more episode. and what're you gonna do about that?

him: oh you don't wanna know.. i'll stick around, and torture you and make sure you go mad and blah blah

me: (if only i had a gun)

him: you're wishing you had a gun, aren't you.

me: huh? what the fuck? yeah maybe i could shoot myself then.

him: oh is it for you? ooookayy.

me: KNUCKLE HEADED NINCOMPOOP! GET OUT. OUT!!

(door slams)

me: what a dumbass.

him: i heard that.

the silent treatment.

2006-03-16T23:50:00.000+05:30

ever bothered to count how many times in a day you feel irritated/ pissed/ frustrated with something or someone? not that i have, but it's a lot of times. big things small things they all contribute. it could range from hitting your leg (particularly the shin and the toes), or a mosquito giving trouble, to your guru flunking you in some test, your parents acting like... parents, friends being assholes, so on. when you tell somebody something and they don't believe it, though you know it's true (acting like they're the grandfathers of all knowledge). or when somebody tells you something when you're not listening and then when you ask 'what', they say 'nothing'. or somebody making unnecessary fun of you, your weakness and so on. all of them just piss you off.

what do you do when you're pissed? you could:
- swear in every language you know, make threatening gestures, and thus amuse the person who pissed you off even more.
- cry.
- tell everybody else what a bad person he or she is. in other words, lateral attack.
- forgive and forget.
- do any other thing which you might wanna, hopefully making yourself feel better.
- give them the silent treatment.

i must've tried all these things by now. wiper will remember the first one (bang my door in case you've forgotten, wiper). i've cried lotsa times too, last time being in 10th i think, when i got grilled by my parents for some nonsense. and i also state that i might've done the fourth one, 'forgive and forget'. though it doesn't bring immediate happiness, i think ideally, that's the best thing to do. and it's completely understandable that it's also the hardest to do.

but my favourite (see title) is the silent treatment. no other thing gives you so much satisfaction and so much pleasure. whether the other person knows or not is immaterial, but it's all the more fun when he or she knows you're ignoring them. i've done this countless times with almost everyone i know, the duration varying from a few minutes to a few weeks.

louda might remember one such week in our second sem. my parents have probably gotten the treatment most no. of times. and today, i gave it to one close friend of mine, for about half an hour. but then things are fine as ever now, after i learnt that that person pissed me off because i had done the same yesterday. i knew i'd acted like a jerk and all but damn! i didn't expect revenge! anyway, this was one of the few cases where your 'pissoff-mode' turns into a 'happy mode' in an instant. if such people keep pissing me off, i don't mind! (no, i do.)

the fact that you're ignoring the person gives you a sense of self-respect. whenever i give the silent treatment, i feel happy. but in some cases the 'happiness' is accompanied by anger or sorrow or pain. though the treatment itself may not work too well after sometime, with mom at least it has worked. coz after awhile she can't help but come and smile and say sorry and gimme a hug (all this was years ago.. i miss childhood!). with others its just not too serious. so you start talking after sometime and forget about it. and if it IS serious, giving the treatment is no problem at all coz it's good for you!

and now i've lost my train of thought - what a pissoff! i'm gonna give the treatment to my mind. or maybe i should forgive and forget.

anyway, the real reasons behind this post are:
- when i was pissed today, i thought i'd put this up. but then i was back to a good mood soon.
- since i hadn't blogged for many days, thanks to my laziness, i thought i'd to park my ass for sometime and overcome it.

this title is dedicated to 'nobody'

2006-03-05T21:30:00.000+05:30

everything's so borrrring
everything's so messed up
why have i become like this
getting all stressed up

if you're wondering, this aint a song
it's a product of boredom
and being jobless for long
that's why it's so dumb

god i can't write for nuts
i should just go back to
beams and columns and struts
no wait.. that wasn't what i was upto

it's so fuckin' painful
this life is disdainful
but i should be grateful
the day is not fateful

now i just realised my problem
i can't put in all my thoughts
i can write poems as well
as i know robots

first i thought i should stop this
but then i kinda liked this
coz it's as pointless as asking
what if god smoked cannabis

now i've forgotten what my main point was
it happens so often, this sort of loss
of the answer to the question why
stranded, no one can deny

ok!!!!! i'm stopping! see that's the result of my 'poem writing' urge. phew! i'm relieved i'm done with it.. but i'm still leaving it here for everyone to see. i'm back to normal... what a waste of a weekend it's been. i've been sleeping like a doofus, wasting time like a doofus. one good thing - wiper came back to fifa! sadly i started losing to him again after winning the first two games.

movies, 70s show, music, sleep, 'food'. that's all it's been. 'food' because it was mostly hostel mess food. only today we ordered pizza, seven of us. though it was not satisfactory (the quantity).

"this fire is out of control.."

hmm where was i? oh ya. general talk. anyway, there's a movie called napolean dynamite, which one guy had brought to a friends house, after 12th. we all sat and started watching it, it turned out to be sad. we got as far as 15 min. i think. and it supposedly got some award for comedy or something. and that's the reason i downloaded it, and i'm gonna watch it now.

adios!

oh btw, this post - first i had thought of writing something like puddle of mud's blurry. but then it wasn't right, so i thought i'll write like some other song. but nothing worked. so i just started writing crap in that thing you see on top. i got tired of it finally. cb, you had to ask!

Weekend and Beyond. WB

2006-03-01T11:28:00.000+05:30

the good:
i'd gone home for the weekend. though it was just two days, i had plenty of good food, spent lot of time with family, had nice bath (which doesn't happen in the hostel too often).

the bad:
it was a worthless trip in terms of friends. i tried calling a friend but nobody picked up. then i wanted to meet another close friend of mine but couldn't. and one more old school friend i thought i'll see but that also wasn't possible coz he had to go to some temple, his mom said.

the good:
i was back in chennai early monday morning. and i managed to clean my room and have breakfast before i went to the first class.

the bad:
there was no first class. what a waste! so i slept there.. and then the real painful classes started. so damn boring it was. and then the transition from good home food to mess grub was pretty bad.. like always.

the good:
i realised i had plenty of time to waste (no plans of mugging. esp. after the quizzes). so i read the paper, did the usual browsing on the comp.

the bad:
both my friends (anush and wiper) who i thought were loyal to fifa have deleted it from their comps. i'm stranded. but there's always career mode! one thing, at least wiper gave a valid reason. anush just says 'i don't wanna, that's all'.

the good:
i realised i don't like watching horror movies. unless i have company. after watching about 15 min. of 'the grudge' i deleted it. instead, yesterday i watched 'four rooms' which i loved! tim roth - great acting.

the bad:
as i was watching the movie, i heard that sharp sound (the glass shatters). more than getting a rude shock, i thought 'oh no not again'. last time it was a football. this time it was a leather cricket ball.

the good:
i'm really grateful to that mosquito net which they've put in every room. because as soon as the window broke, i went and saw, one glass piece had got stuck in the net, after hitting it at full speed (the net was torn there and bulging as if something big had hit it). thanks to some help from bale, mechanic and dharik, i managed to clean the glass pieces and patch up the window pretty fast.

the bad:
like dharik said, nowadays i'm hardly getting up on time! i've become too much of a lazy bum. even this post, which i wanted to put up on monday, i'm doing on wednesday.

the good:
the reason i'm sitting here and typing this is because we had only one class in the morning. so basically, a free morning.

the bad:
the best halloween costume for me is catwoman!!

Your Haloween Costume Should Be

Catwoman

What Should You Be For Halloween?

uyar mechanicals, i say!

2006-02-20T20:46:00.000+05:30

(note: boring post, from a troubled soul. mechanically 'fatigued' soul. so read if you've nothing better to do.)

sometimes i wonder, i'm going to be a mechanical engineer, or at least be called so. but what have i done that has been 'mechanical' so far? well i have done applied mechanics, strength of materials, machine drawing,.. actually machine drawing is the only thing that no other branch had. strength of materials, even aero and naval arch guys had. i might've done something in my branch. but i frankly don't think the courses we've done have given us something unique into it.
but, uyar mechanicals, i say!

consider this. the batch one year senior to us (i'm talking about mech. engg. only), did workshop in their third sem, smithy, foundry and all. they did a few other mech courses too. they never had to do any shit like ecology or biology, which drove us mad. and then the batch one year junior to us, they have already done foundry in their first sem itself. here we are, the great second year mechanical students of the '04 batch. what do we know? we know about the environment, we know about analog circuits, we know about everything other than mech.
but, uyar mechanicals, i say!

why us?? why our batch?? why couldn't they have taught us the bloody mech courses just like they've been doing all these years? it's all because of me. i'm here, so they have to experiment and screw up. all you mech classmates of mine, blame me. i'm not saying this like i've gone mad or anything.. just seems that such luck follows me around in some places.

and about the courses we're currently doing, we have dynamics of machinery, maths, fluid mechanics, instrumentation and control, materials and design, electrical sciences, manufacturing technology and a couple of labs. to be honest, i didn't think mech would be as boring as it is right now. i was happy i got a branch which i liked and all, and now i'm wondering if i still like this shit. i mean, what the hell will i do learning so much crap about transistors and diodes? i heard we know even more than the elec. guys. great! and whatever good' courses we have, have been spoiled because of some really bad prof or something. this semester promises to be wonderful.
because uyar mechanicals, i say!

i'm pretty sure most people will agree that mech is easily the most tiring branch to be in this sem. except stubborn bums who know it but still don't agree. we've finished five out of the seven subjects in the first quiz. again, we're the only branch to have seven subjects all at once. anyway, i'm glad to say i've done badly in all of them.
dom - this was one of the nice courses, which sadly is getting a lil boring now. i'd prepared sufficiently but couldn't finish the paper.
flu mech - was also quite ok. this is the 'good' one with a bad prof. but i still didn't know some stuff so i didn't get a couple of problems.
instrumentation - gave up on it. way too uninteresting and complicated for me. screw this bloody course.
mad - fairly ok, but then they gave us that binary kinda paper (dunno what you call it) where only your final answer is seen. i hate that.
maths - statistics. we had prepared till late in the night and they give a binary paper again. screw them.

so far i guess i can catagorize my mech courses into two - ones that are just plain boring, and the ones that are fine but screwed because of my mistakes or laziness or whatever. man tech comes in the first category. sand casting, this casting, that casting, WHO CARES!!! unfortunately i keep getting reminded by different people that it's all a part of what we have to do.. after all, uyar mechanicals, i say!

(trivia: the phrase 'we're mechanicals, i say!' comes from one of the greats in our branch, who we were under for the drawing course. he used to say "uyar machanicals, i say.." (uyar = his way of saying 'we are'))

Moby Dick

2006-02-16T07:00:00.000+05:30

i'm taking some time out of the best part of college - quiztime. i have been so involved in studying that i haven't been able to sit in front of the comp for more than two hours at a stretch everyday.

valentine's day started off with the dynamics of machinery quiz. i took my own time, drawing and paying attention to something which i later realised was not at all required. so i couldn't finish the paper. i thought i'd bunk the next few classes and relax in my room. but as we were coming out of the hall, somebody said 'jln's taking attendance!' and we rushed to the flu mech class. wait a minute - why??? as if i ever cared about jln taking attendance when i had decided to bunk.. ok whatever. since i wasted so much energy, might as well get another 'present' marked. luckily he was around roll no. 50 when i went in. my roll no.'s 58. so i sat in the last bench, opened my book and began my usual dreaming and looking around.

he said he was giving us some problem and started dictating. so i had to appear like i was doing something, i wrote down whatever i could make of it. and then he gave us time to solve it. i was talking to people here and there and suddenly he started doing the rounds. what a pain! i had to appear busy again. and out of nowhere, he pops up in front of my bench and says, "did you get it?".
"huh wha..? um.. no sir uh.. i was trying to figure out this uh.. this thing here.."
"ya what is it? tell me."
"this (shit! what do you call this goddamn thing) I.."
"ya i've written on the board no, what have you not understood?"
first of all, i had no idea what those bloody letters stood for. there was a p,f,γ,I,lots of xs and ys,etc. second, i hadn't even managed to take down the problem properly. third, the page adjacent to the one where i was scribbling had some crap i had written, totally unrelated to flu mech. fourth, the date on top of the page was 7th feb. which means i hadn't written anything for more than a week in this class. and i was trying to cover all that up, and act very intellectual too..
finally, he sat down next to me! couldn't have been better right. and he started blabbering something which i could hardly make out, but i kept nodding and saying "yes sir yes sir". after a while he told me to do it, and left. i was wondering how big a fool he would have thought i was. phew! at least i didn't get screwed bigtime.

and after that, it was the usual attend here, bunk there routine. today was the flu mech quiz so i had to start stuying yesterday. i did so in the evening. and my! how could i be such a dumbass.. all those things he was saying in class seemed trivial. damn! anyway i prepared whatever for the quiz. and this morning, i happily encountered around two questions which i had no clue what to do. i might get half the marks in the quiz.

and then the maths prof, for some reason, let us off half an hour early (pleasant things do happen during quiztime!). so the next two classes - bunk. came back and slept. and in the afty we had dom. so i went and what do i see? a little more than 20 people.. from a class of 120! and even more surprising was the fact that the prof wasn't irritated by this one bit. he talked about all sorts of things for half an hour. things like how he did much more than us when he was studying, yet had time to waste in fourth year, playing bridge in the hostel. and how russian mechanical engineers do so much more than us and so on. interesting little session that was.

and now i'm back in my room, knowing very well that tomorrow i have no hope of getting anywhere near the average score even. it's the instrumentation and control quiz. i have no control over my mind when i sit with the book for this subject. i really can't express how boring, how totally mixed up it is. he's done about 12 chapters i heard. i've done two. that's progress. hoping to finish another four before the quiz..

i hate life.

seventh heaven

2006-02-06T09:40:00.000+05:30

i'm on a high. no booze, no drugs, no nothing. and i don't think alcohol can also get me to this state. it happened an hour ago. i just couldn't believe it. i always had the tiniest of hopes and then it came. i took it real fast at first. then again, this time a little more slowly, so that i wouldn't miss anything. and then again. and again. i was so shaky. i was in another world.

now 'it' refers to what got me high. but i also will refer to something else as 'it'. (oh shit my ice cream's melting..) "today must be my lucky day. unfotunately my luck refuses to come with me to the mess. food's still bad." those words are also connected to it in a way. i thought i was so damn irritated with all the nonsense that we have to do here. but it came. and it conquered.

it's almost like a dream come true. and i just hope it really isn't just a dream. can't be, can it? no. but i don't want it to go away. ever. i will always cherish it. no matter what. and i will remember this first time that it gave me forever. it's still acting on me. i can feel it in my stomach! oh god (though i don't believe in god) you're it!

ahhh...
There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're sayin'.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

a happy feb 3rd

2006-02-04T07:40:00.000+05:30

time to blog! i've got the perfect ingredients (crib material). it's still evening and i've already had a rollicking day. here's the 'summary'.

i got up around 6 and decided why swimmming and all, slept again. got up at 8:30. went and had breakfast. for no reason, i bunked the first three classes. and when i asked makam what happened in class, he said he'd been sleeping in his room too. i dunno if i felt happy or sad. then a friend told me something which i least expected. i was both concerned and pissed. let's leave that..

i got ready to go to dom (fourth class). and i went cycling blindly when i suddenly realised some of my classmates were returning! i asked one guy if there was no class, and he said no. great. i could've just sat in the room instead of this.. and then i went to the mess. somehow i didn't like today's lunch. normally it's ok. but today was bad.

afternoon at 1, was the great flu mech class. and there one guy tells me he forgot to get my book. i don't know if it's bad but everytime somebody borrows a book or something and doesn't return it promptly, i get irritated. maybe it's increased after another guy lost my dom book two days ago.

so i went and sat in the last bench next to louda. and both of us were in our own worlds, dreaming wildly. suddenly jln (our prof) was agitated. he asks all the last benchers to come front. and so i had to go right in the front. what a bore. i was falling asleep but couldn't do anything. this guy doesn't allow you to sleep/ talk/ do anything! at least the man tech prof is better. you can sleep in his class. he just goes on and on, "yemme huchhe huidange" which, in kannada, means "like how a buffalo pees".

then there are somethings which can make you swear fluently. for example, when you hit your leg to the table or cot or some hard object. or when hutch sends you that irritating msg saying 'download this crappy ringtone, avail this offer blah blah'. but today it was something else. jln's great announcement. he wanted to take extra class because he 'missed' his during saarang. how pathetic is that?! and he's kept it tomorrow. so here's what saturday has in store for mech students: morning go and write who-knows-what in that elec lab test. then sit in jln's two hour class. go have lunch if you feel like it. come back for another two hours of jln.... $%&%*$##@!& i
wonder what meta students will feel about this. their weekend started on thursday! (yeah they don't have a single class on friday.) so bale, we're gonna KICK SOME ASS.

i'm sure jln is somehow related to vitto. because vitto too announced his four hour class on tuesday. four hours of flu mech, four hours of that elec shit.. i want four hours of peace for a change! like our branch topper said today, after tomorrow's class, we'll be so traumatised that we'll ask jln "we want more sir, go on! go on till 6!"

and tonight is supposed to be the gbm in the hostel. general body meeting. it's where lots of issues are discussed with various secretaries.. like manifestos, budgets, what has been done, etc. even if you don't wanna go and participate or crib, it's just fun to sit there and watch. i dunno if i can go now thanks to this stupid elec quiz.

and with a big sigh i'm now gonna think of trying to read those expts. or maybe after grub...

day 5 and v-i-t-t-o

2006-02-02T03:00:00.000+05:30

the last day of saarang.. nothing much to do. except the finals of many things. and of course, the rock show! so i got up late, like on a typical lazy sunday. and then after lunch, wiper and anush were gonna compete in 'what's the good word' finals. so i decided to check that out. it was fun. and i repented for not giving the event a try.

after that, it was the audio-video quiz finals for them. i just came back to my room and had mug noodles, took my ticket for the rock show.

thankfully, this time we didn't have to stand too long in the queue. we got in after a while and surprisingly there weren't many people. and bitch, paapi and louda were standing in the front, waiting for us. us = cb, makam, me. bale joined us. and we just stood there, waiting for the show to start. still, the oat seemed to be less filled with ppl this time. finally after coming 45 min. late, parikrama appeared on stage. and then i looked back and wow! it was a pretty decent crowd.. not bad. they started off with highway to hell. for those who don't know that song, you needn't read any further. soon they were playing songs of all those gods.. pink floyd, deep purple, gnr,.. and they played a couple of their own songs which were good too. and then after more than an hour, they left.

ledzepplica arrived. but not before another long delay in setting up the stage and stuff. and they played lots of led zep songs (that's what they do). it's just awesome to listen to them because they're just so much like ledzep. they hadn't played some really good and popular songs like kashmir, stairway to heaven,.. they had kept them for the end of the show. the drummer belted out the amazing solo in moby dick. and finally they said they had time for just two more songs. and so it was quite obvious that stairway to heaven was gonna be one of them. and that's what it was. they began the song to loud cheers from the crowd. and just before the solo was about to begin, the lights and sound went off. how's that for a malfunction, was what i was thinking. if this is how we give, they'd get a very bad idea about the facilities here. but then after some protests from the crowd, they came back on. and he started singing from the middle of the song, so that they could finish it. this time the solo started too. and then again, the lights and sound went off. i saw the guitarist give a frustrated look and then they were gone.. later we learnt that out wonderful, ever so understanding and popular dean had pulled the plug. the reason? it was getting late.. i can't tell you how pissed we all were. it just happened and we couldn't do anything about it.

"started with a bang, ended with a whimper." was what i read in the paper yesterday. but some guys went to the guest house where led zepplica were staying and took some videos. i watched some of it in louda's room last night. they had played the accoustic versions of stairway to heaven and kashmir. and even while sitting in the room, and the drummer using whatever he could get, they sounded good! just sad that we couldn't give a better send off to them..

(and for those who think i didn't like the rock show (wiper, anush, dhanian), i just loved it. it was much better than last year's rock show. just that i didn't feel like arguing that night after what happened. so i said i didn't like it.)

and now, the other topic - vitto. i had agreed with cb on whatever he'd said about him. but now, i'm adding to it - he's crazy! yesterday he announced that he's gonna take two 3 hr classes per week in addition to the four that he's already taking. which makes a total of 10 hours per week. now that's what i call super.

and today when he heard a cell phone sound in class, he said, "please switch off your cell phones before you come here. if i hear anything next time, i'll find out who it is and i'll just take it and throw it out. and you know how i'm gonna find out? i have good ears. so i'll come to the area where i heard it. and then take all the roll nos. of the people in that area and make sure they get zero in the test. that way, they'll work among themselves and bring out the person whose cell phone it was... it's called terrorism. but it works."

slowly the classes are becoming wild. insane.. had no idea what the hell was going on today though i was taking down whatever he was writing on the board. wonder how we'll cope up with three hour classes...

peak time

2006-01-29T18:00:00.000+05:30

i was taking a shower today and many thoughts crossed my mind, like always when standing under the shower (nothing to do so you dream). firstly, why 'himalaya' had to come. it is the name given to the mega-mess which has just come up. and the place where all of us from all hostels have to go just to eat. it was a GUI¹. and then i was thinking of names for music bands. just generally, no reason. i came up with "me the licker" and "i run madly"². later today i learnt from anush that they're called 'mondegreens'. or at least they're close. anyway i decided to write about saarang, which will basically be how i spent my time during the 5 days or so and what i thought about things..
1 - give-up idea.
2 - if you say them properly, you can make them sound like metallica and iron maiden.

day 0.

i wanted to go for the inauguration of saarang. which is the same as saying i wanted to go to the auditorium to waste my time hearing boring speeches by a bunch of people. that's what it was. and apparently, the director used one of his last year's jokes in his speech this time. later that night was the classical music show by ganesh and kumaresh, both violin players whose first performances were at the ages of 5 and 7! it was good. i enjoyed the music. i think they're really good at playing short and fast strokes on the violins. anyway, one addition to the whole pro show thing this year was that they had some big screen on which was written 'airtel subscribers sms your comments on the show to 500. they will be displayed on this screen' and in small letters, at the bottom right corner, '@ Rs.3 per sms'. i couldn't believe the number of people who wasted three bucks per sms to send some absolute nonsense. first of all, even if they were actual comments praising the performers, only the audience could see it. so no point. second, it was an excellent means to broadcast your stupidity, which is what many did. and then to show everyone the level of english here.. i saw messages like 'what a great music by so and so'. and this one 'can you tell me who are you 500?' what the fuck was that?? of course i can go on and on about the shit that people sent to that screen.. asking some guy or girl 'where are you' or saying india's score against pakistan. whole lotta crap. i thought these sms fellows make no sense in things like this. for example, during a cricket match, 'who do you think will win: a. pakistan b. india c. tie'. but they don't care about that, because they make money! it always amuses me to see so many people pointlessly waste their smses to send votes for some stupid poll. all this is what i feel about it. whatever anybody might say, i still think smsing competitions and the like are dumb.

day 1.

there was the western music solo competition at clt (central lecture theatre). mostly people would come and sing, accompanied with one person playing an instrument, or sometimes playing something themselves. i didn't find out who won. but i saw that MCC¹ girl again. and she sings really well. she had won last year. and after 'lunch'² i went to take part in creative writing. and i wrote wonnnnderfully. rather verrry creatively. i think they'd have been either bored to death by my story even though it was just a lil more than four sides, or laughing so hard at my attempt. and then i came back to clt. the western music solo instrumentals were going on. that was pretty good. people playing keyboards, guitars, couple of harmonicas and even a saxophone. that evening was the 'choreonite'³. i hadn't bought the tickets for it because i wasn't interested. and that too, the crowd for that would be horribly packed. so instead, i played scrabble with three others at sac, which is another big auditorium place. i must say the mosquitoes there got a little too much to bear.
1 - if you don't know what MCC is, go jump! especially if you're a guy. and even more if you're from bangalore.
2 - 'lunch' because it was just some madly expensive burger mostly.
3 - the inter-college dance competition held every saarang.

day 2.

powerchords was the main event. a competition for bands. any band could come and play. many were really good. so the whole of that morning i spent standing there and watching and listening. and then i took part in the crossword competition. but i feel so stupid to say that i gave up. yeah, i found it a bit too tough, and i didn't have a teammate. i could get about 7 or 8 out of the 40 odd words. so i came back and watched powerchords which went on till late afternoon. and then that night was the 'light music' show by shankar-ehsaan-loy. the queue for that was huge! i had already stood the whole day and standing in the queue, my legs were killing me. after nearly 40 min., we got in. but that too only somewhere in the side. where we could very clearly see the stage setup, the huge speakers and so on. not the show. but we managed to get most of it. i could get 4 to 5 songs (all were hindi songs). i liked those few. there are two things i don't understand. first, why do they call it the 'light' music show? it's not light! they can call it hindi music or indian something, i dunno. it's not light. it's still as loud as ever. in case there's a particular reason for it to be called light, enlighten me. second, why does everyone stand up and sit down and stand up and sit down for every song? last year, they stood after a couple of songs.. this time when he started the first song itself, people jumped up! obviously i had to stand again (ooh my poor legs) otherwise i could sit and watch dancing asses (not very enjoyable when the majority of the crowd is male).

day 3.

decibels replaced powerchords. this was where the semi-pro bands compete. and needless to say, most of them were good. i had seen many of them in 'strawberry fields' in dec in bangalore (the NLS fest). and first thing in the afternoon was scrabble. anush was my teammate. last year i had participated but missed qualifying by just 10 pts. but then i didn't have a teammate. this time, we had planned to take part together. what with all the nights of wordbiz¹ in the vacations.. and we qualified so i was happy. more decibels after that. later in the evening was a drum workshop by some guy who'd learnt drumming in uk and all. that guy seriously made me stare open-mouthed at his insane moves. he was some real stud in drumming. i probably know about 5 percent of what he knows. then the decibels finals started at oat (open air theatre). six teams competed and again, it was good. saw some familiar bands win (from strawberry fields). after that, 'duo bertrand et cie' performed. if you're wondering what the hell i just said, it's the name of some french group of people who play music. but what kind, i really don't know. because it sounds different from any kind of music i've heard. they had so many instruments - the chapmans stick, drums, cello, violin, accordian, saxophone, bagpiper,... but it got a little boring so we left after a while. it's good if you're in a dancing mood or something.
1 - wordbiz is some software which allows you to play on the internet. something that most scrabble players will know about.

day 4.

the main event was jam finals at clt in the afternoon. so i had lunch in the hostel and took off. but it was already too full. this is one event in saarang when the clt's 'jam'packed. and then i heard that led zepplica was conducting a 'workshop' at sac at 1330 hrs. so i went there. and boy are they good! i got to watch them up close, and the drummer too. watched him from behind as he was playing. they told us about how they picked up, how they listened to ledzep songs, and so on. they could fool anyone into thinking they were ledzep themselves. and then after that i came back to clt, and managed to get in through the back entrance. slowly as somebody or the other was getting out, i made my way in and by the final round of jam, i was sitting! and jam, as always was fun. lots of laughter, lots of negative points, lots of people, lots of sweat even in the air-conditioned clt. and then the scrabble co-ord. said that the finals of scrabble was to be held after jam instead of on the last day. so we played a swissleague tournament. and i'm proud to say we won all four games. which means we won the scrabble event. cheers to anush and me! and then in the night at oat was the light music group finals. nothing for me, so that was it.

day 5.

= coming soon =

flash

2006-01-22T13:00:00.000+05:30

i think this spirit mage describes me a little better than the superhero one.. it says i'm flirtatious!

find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
my superhero test results:
You are The Flash

The Flash		75%
Robin		70%
Superman		65%
Spider-Man		60%
Supergirl		60%
Green Lantern		45%
Hulk		45%
Batman		35%
Iron Man		35%
Wonder Woman		30%
Catwoman		30%

Fast, athletic and flirtatious.
(yeah right!!!)

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

notepad

2006-01-19T09:00:00.000+05:30

"oh, i'm still alive" (if you listen to pearl jam, you'll know). that was just to state that i'm still alive and kicking.

^^^goodness! (1900 hrs IST, 18th jan 2006) the weather banners on top are showing me that it's 81°F in bangalore and 79°F in chennai - amazing!^^^

two of my current favourites are 'she' by elvis costello and 'black holed sun' by soundgarden, both suggested by my friends. they're really nice songs..

today was a day full of theory classes. i had a strategy in mind; and it more or less worked. that's a pleasant surprise considering almost all of my plans to do something end up in me not doing it because of one of these reasons (1) i slept. (2) i procrastinated and it was too late. (3) i lost interest. (4) i tried but failed miserably.
first up was maths. and that class pretty much means one thing - just keep writing whatever she writes/ dictates (at a painfully high speed). i did feel a bit sleepy towards the end but still, i managed to take down notes, which is the reason it was in demand by both makam and cb, who skipped that class.
next was materials and design (in short, mad). i knew that i'd mostly sleep through the class. and i was right. but this is where my 'strategy' comes in; the next class was the elec course with prof. vitto. and i had actually listened in his class, understood the subject and wrote down stuff yesterday! so i thought i had to continue like that. so my 'strategy' was to sleep peacefully in the mad class, and then stay awake in prof. vitto's class. i'm proud to say that it worked to my satisfaction and i paid attention in his class.
then, after lunch, was instrumentation and control. here's a crude version of the rule followed by most of my mech. friends: if this class is between two other classes, go for it and sleep or just pass time somehow. if it's at a time when you have to go from the hostel, or after which you have to get back to the hostel, bunk it. so i bunked today, like many others.
we had dynamics of machinery at two. but the prof. decided not to turn up so we managed to get the next slot's prof. to take the class. it was manufacturing technology. slept from start to finish.

i think i've talked about my classes enough. there's something else on my mind - eco-friendliness, and environment, conservation, whatever you call it. most of the younger generation has been taught to conserve energy, water, etc. wherever, whenever possible. and we learn that only educated people can understand and help in tackling the problem. but i'm sorry to say that that's not the case. i may not wanna point at anybody, but some people i know very well, and who're smart enough to understand that every little bit matters, still refuse to do simple things like turning off the light when it's not required. for example, in the afternoon when there's bright sunlight and opening the windows will throw enough light in. just a thought - if this invites any arguments, you can assume i never said it.

this time, for saarang, the rock show features the band called ledzepplica, which is a 'replica' of ledzeppelin. they look and sound just like them. and surprisingly, parikrama is opening for them! i remember i was telling my friends at iitb and nitk that they get parikrama and all, we don't. and now, we get parikrama to open for another band! so that's something to look forward to..

yesterday, i had half a mind to make a post saying 'the pain is back'. if at all i had made it, it'd have looked something like this (gist): 'the pain is back. he comes and demands chewing gum or peppermint or resin. then he bangs on my door so that the screw holding the latch-hole nearly comes out. and he later sends me some twenty audibles on yahoo, calls me on gtalk just to pain me.' but i'm glad i didn't make it because i realised it was stupid. (yeah mentioning it here was a bit lame too, but it's better than writing a post on it!)

i guess i've typed whatever was on my mind. well, almost. there's something else but i don't wanna talk about that now. just hope that the feeling goes away and all is back to how it was a few days ago.. time for grub. i'm so excited!! puri yay!!!!! (kidding)

wazzaa?.. fluid huh zzzzz oh viscouszzzz

2006-01-12T08:30:00.000+05:30

i was just watching a useless movie.. i deleted it after half an hour's waste of time on it (the ring 2). so my parents and aunt did come this morning. they gave me some stuff and then cleaned my room and went! and then in the afternoon it was time for fluid mechanics..

we went to class at 2. and he turned up shortly. first of all he has a soft voice. and his tone is also monotonous.. and the mic wasn't there. so he did the whole two hours without the mic. thanks to that, any bleak hopes of staying awake in class were erased.

it wasn't long before i felt the familiar sensation of the eyes getting heavy, the hands wanting to go up and support the head... but i thought i should stay awake and shook myself and sat up. and i got a pleasant surprise - one fellow who i least expected to sleep in class, mahesh aka nai, was falling off! and everytime i see another guy sleeping in class, i laugh. this time too it worked.

so everytime i felt sleepy, i'd just look at nai who'd be swaying gently as if an invisible force was slowly trying to topple him over. and when i look and laugh, i don't feel sleepy for sometime. but then nai wasn't doing that for the whole time. he woke up after a while and sat up straight. and then i saw him paying attention for a bit. so that resulted in me not getting entertainment for sometime.. and i was soon drifting back to dreamland..

then makam poked me. so i said thanks and got up again. we looked to our right, and there was abhisek aka GT, haha! the way he was sleeping.. so we got our dose of laughter again. and soon everything was back to normal, i. e., i was feeling sleepy again. but i noticed nai was swaying again.. and as a bonus, his neighbour ramanathan aka blama, was also falling asleep! ok cool - some more entertainment.

the class was turning out to be alternate spells of sleep and smiles at others sleeping.. but one of the best parts was the first bench. we saw those guys - mukund and kalyan aka mechanic. what a sight! mukund's head was bent down completely, good example of sleeping without support. and next to him, mechanic was head-down on the desk! we all laughed at them.. then they woke up. the prof had decided to give us a 'break' for 5 min.

and then it was back to the sleep - stare - sleep - stare thing again. in fact, i'd wake makam up from his sleep, and then i'd sleep! and then i don't remember how i got into that pose.. but i saw paapi and GT looking at me and smiling. i realised i had my head on one hand, eyes and mouth probably half open.. i smiled back and shook myself awake.

(one person i missed in this class was pota. that fellow is the undisputed champion in sleeping without support. amazing entertainment he provides.. esp. if he's in the front because then everybody sees! he just sits there. and then when you wonder what he's doing, you see the movt. slowly it increases.. his head jerkily starts moving. and he visits all azimuthal angles. and as far as i can remember he has helped me stay awake most of the times because i look at him and laugh!)

anyway, at least the flu mech class allowed me to study the sleep habits of diff people, incl. myself. i just hope he uses the mic next time.

Shattered Dreams

2006-01-11T22:45:00.000+05:30

maybe that's too strong a title for what i'm about to write. i'm gonna crib. but it has something to do with what happened in my fluid mechanics class. on monday, i was told not to talk. but i wasn't the only one talking - ask cb! anyway, that's nothing.. but yesterday, i had slept off in class. and then i was having a very sweet dream; if you have seen the 'most beautiful smile' video that's going around on lan, you'll know who i'm talking about. it's that cute lil girl. she came and hugged me! and then i was like her big brother. and was playing with her - suddenly somebody woke me up. this time i was told not to sleep in class. i should take sleeping lessons from pota, who manages to sleep in the first bench.

anyway, this i'm writing mainly because it's been a bad day. although it's been only two hours since i got up, i feel so. firstly, i didn't go swimming.. very nicely switched off the alarm (or so i assume because i don't remember) and slept.. and then when i got up, i was greeted with the sight of my broken window. a nice big hole. my friends told me it happened in the morning when some guys were playing football.

and then i go for breakfast only to hear that we have flumech. extra class from 2 to 4 in the afternoon! it's a frikkin' holiday. what a spoiler that was..

only now, at least i have something to look forward to. like the paper, like my dad, mom and aunt who'll be dropping in any minute.. like the end of today's flumech class...

The Chills...

2006-01-07T17:30:00.000+05:30

i was playing a game of fifa. nothing unusual about that. i was completely engrossed in the game. what with all the tackling and tight defending.. the shots missing the goal.. it feels like that every game. i just wanna win. and that's why i forget what's around me. it was like that. just me and the monitor. what was going on around me? where was i? i had no idea. all that's happening is this game. i'm playing it. i'm part of it.

then suddenly the camera angle seemed to change, i dunno. it became really wierd. i looked around wondering what was happening, but then almost immediately, my attention was back to the screen. damn! what the hell is this? why should it happen now? i could see a part of the green field, i could hear the commentary. but i couldn't see my players damnit! and then it happened.. "GOOAAALLL!!!" oh #$%^! great. this thing's screwed and my opponent's just scored a goal. ok now what do i press for this stupid camera? i tried everything. soon i found myself frantically banging on the keyboard...

why am i getting such a wierd feeling? the game was still there.. or was it? i took my eyes off the screen again. boy, everything's dark here.. what is going on? and then my eyes are back on the game.. the game! hey i was just playing.. i remembered seeing some sort of vague menu with some text. and then i dunno what started shaking - the monitor? the room? my head? i couldn't even read what was on the screen..

goodness! screw the game, something's happening! i had no idea what was happening to me. i felt a mixture of pain, a vomiting sensation, something wanting to burst out of my head.. it was a matter of seconds before everything blacked out. i was going..

and then a distant 'thud'. huh? oh my god! what the hell was that?? it took me a few seconds to realise that i was in some wacky dream.. and the thud was probably from the construction site. i just stayed there on the bed, my heart pounding like mad.. holy shit! i don't think i've felt my heart beat this hard, ever. wonder what that dream was all about. phew! that was spooky. and then i was getting a couple of messages on the mobile. slowly, my heart rate came back to normal.. and it was around 4:30.

a knock on the door. louda. 'oh you were crashing'. i just stared for two seconds.. it was tea time anyway, so i said i'll come. and then i was back to normal. wierd experience.. the dream was nothing. because crazy dreams always happen. but i'm still surprised at how i woke up with a shock at that 'thud' and the way my heart was pumping..

Think Evil

2006-01-06T12:30:00.000+05:30

it's that time again. i have nothing much to do, it's too early to sleep and anush is not playing fifa with me. so why not type whatever comes to your mind and put it out for the world to see!

let's see, mind and brain don't work the way i want it to. so for now, all that's going through my mind is the music that's playing. i love my music. and i don't care if it's noise to some people, or if others consider it 'bad taste'. all i care about is to enjoy it while i can. i just remembered, most people don't know this, and those who've heard me wont believe this - i sang on radio when i was a kid! AIR, we had gone in I std. of course, it was a group thing. hmm wonder how that piece of information will affect the life of the person reading this..

so next up in my head - the ideal case. it would be reaaally good if this was how my hostel life was.. i don't have to eat mess food, i get home food (somehow, don't ask me how). and then, i play all i want, have movie marathons, and then play scrabble in the night like i used to in the hols. and then sleep for 12 hours. go swimming.. notice, classes're not mentioned. that's coz' i don't have classes! just living The life in hostel.

coming back to reality, i blew 22 bucks yesterday for that egg fried rice that they give in the mess. but only because i didn't wanna eat the puri which i otherwise had to. and classes - goodness! mech. guys have one hell of a sem in store for them. and since i'm in mech., i feel it. the first three days we had full classes, and about 80% of them were successful in putting me to sleep. and what's worse - we have to do some stupid elec. course. i dunno why! noone knows why! although there was a welcome change in today's 'materials and design' class; yesterday, in the same thing, i had nicely kept dropping off to sleep. but today, i was wide awake and even paying attention to what he was saying. and i'm actually saying this, "it was interesting!!" in fact, the 'dynamics of machinery' course is pretty interesting too. we learnt how a wiper works, among other things. not my friend wiper! (hint: laugh)

it's still fresh, this new year. so resolutions are always welcome. but i had actually forgotten about 'new year resolutions' till somebody asked me a couple of days ago. and i'm glad i had forgotten. everytime i just used to think of something and then watch as i promptly went against it within a few days.. i know very few people who keep up to their resolutions. so it's better not to have any than having something and then that becoming a flop and then you feeling weak in will or all sorts of shit like that. though the most common resolution, 'to be a better me', can be brought up whenever you feel like. not just new years'..

something that surprised me today was the fact that i got up at 6 and went for a swim! the whole of november i had tried that and failed. but today i did it wow! big deal you say? i don't care! getting up at 6 in the morning, when it's still chilly, rather than continuing to sleep wrapped up in your blanket, is a veerrry difficult exercise.. the will power. that's what i feel. and i proudly state that i conquered the urge to go back to bed.. ahh i'm done with my boasting.

and i think i'll just go to sleep now. the only thing i hope for is that there's water in the bogs! but hey again, luck was on my side this afternoon, when i had bath at around 3. after that, there was no water. please don't jump to conclusions like i finished the water and all! anyway, this was my favourite bog. now it's losing its charm. just in four days, i've seen two frogs in it, and the water has run out. it has betrayed me. oh the pain, the aggonnny....

(not to worry, i'm still in a safe, sane mood)

i bulbed for this title.

2005-12-27T13:35:00.000+05:30

"Don't go and bulb there!" was one of the first times i heard the word in use. a senior was instructing us freshies for the dance competition..

ok that was a year and a half ago! by now, bulb has almost become a verb in our english vocabulary. it can be used in many different situations; you forget what you're supposed to do or say in a play/dance/speech/.., you make some silly mistake somewhere, you don't understand what's going on right now,.. very versatile.

for those who are still bulbing, this word is part of our college lingo. unfortunately it creeps into out-of-college english and you can't help it! i will now give some classic examples of bulbing. both these similar incidents happened this odd semester..

Wiper had gone to his friend's hostel to do something (i forgot). and there, his friend had given him his room keys coz' he wasn't there. so after doing whatever he wanted to do, wiper left for his hostel. suddenly, as he was cycling, he realised he'd forgotten his room keys. so, he turned around and went back to his friend's room, after locking his cycle, of course. and after searching in the room for sometime, he realised he had something in his hands.. the keys! the room keys were always with the cycle keys.. big time bulb!

I was returning from the stadium and it was dark outside, especially near the stadium area. and then while i was cycling, i felt my pocket. my room keys! shit! i thought how i could've dropped them and where.. and turned around. and i wasn't wearing my glasses so in the dark, i was a bit handicapped. luckily makam was coming behind and i stopped him and asked him to help me look for my keys. he, like always, agreed. so we traced back my path, looking here and there on the ground.. and then i stopped suddenly and started laughing. the room keys were with my cycle keys, safely fixed in the cycle. poor guy, maybe he didn't see the humour since he was already tired.. i just returned, embarassed.

unfortunately, i've been associated with bulbing more often than not. but that doesn't matter.. i'm not doing it on purpose. in fact, once i was chatting with a few of my friends from school. and then when i bulbed somewhere in the conversation, my friend said 'this bulbing thing's not funny anymore'. she was pissed.. unfortunate. but i couldn't do much.

anyway, the good thing is, it's not just me.. or wiper. everybody bulbs once in a while at least. i just thought i'd explain bulbing a bit, since i didn't have anything better to do. one interesting thing is, from jiggs' blog, some guy took the word bulb and added it in some dictionary and all! you can see a post from jiggs on that sometime back. as long as it provides entertainment for free, it's ok. just shouldn't affect anything seriously, this bulbing phenomenon.. and just in case anybody is really irritated by the excessive use of the word bulb, here you go - bulb bulb bulb bulbing bulbed bulber bulb bulbing bulber bulbed :)

Why's life the way it is??

2005-12-13T11:15:00.000+05:30

================================
NOTICE:

what i just did was have a nice long talk with mom, and in the end, both of us agreed to a lot of things. boy, am i happy that she's understanding.. i had made up my mind this morning to talk to her and it was good. there was a communication gap between us.. and now, i have assured her of my responsibilities and so on and so forth.. all in all both parties ended positively i can say ;) Ahh, that's a load off my head now.
================================

the title doesn't have anything to do with anything here. just had to make one so that's what came to my mind. now, as some of you may have realised, i'm back! (where? to the internet..) ok, so like most of my plans, this one flopped big time. i had decided not to use the net at home during these hols. i lasted for nearly five days. now i play scrabble online, browse,.. i play a lot with anush. (funny how we never play scrabble in college where we're a few metres away from each other. only now, hundreds of kms. away, both of us sit at our comps and battle.)

note: i'm typing whatever comes to my mind right now. there's absolutely no point in this post.. not that all my other posts do.

i had booked my ticket so i'd leave the day our exams got over.. in the night. and that day it started raining like hell in chennai.. again. and the stupid call taxi never came. once they said 'not available'. next they said 'car breakdown'.. load of bull. so after wetting my feet through my shoes and socks, along with five or six other people, i got on the college bus. the poor fellows with us who were going to vizag.. their train was at 10:30 pm, and it was nearly 10 by the time we got out of campus! luckily after about five or ten minutes, we found a taxi and auto. so everyone could go to the station. and the taxi.. goodness! from the little tamil we knew we could make out this much:
there were two fellows in the front. the driver was going a bit rash.
so the other guy was saying 'if you go like this, you'll go to jail.'
the driver 'no. i'll go even more rash but still i wont go to jail'.
'oh yeah? then overtake this lorry from the left'..'go, it's ok even if it's the red signal'..so on
it was raining heavily, some roads flooded. it was getting late too and these men had to have their little game. worse, when we got off, they asked us to pay whatever the meter read + Rs.25 extra for each person (four of us) + Rs. 25 service charge!! even worse, we complied.

anyway, i was happy i reached home safely.. and after a niice long bath, i took michael crichton's state of fear and settled down on my beanbag. i woke up two hours later when mom said it was lunchtime. (that book, i think i'm destined not to finish).

let's see.. now back to the present. why the hell did manu play like that?? who knows.. i dunno which i hate more; bsnl or my hair. stupid thing takes money however it wants from the balance. and now it's pretty low so i can't message my sweetheart. no wait.. i don't have one. nevertheless, i can't message anyone without feeling guilty about it. ah screw it!

Click here and read this first, if you haven't already.

2005-11-29T11:31:00.000+05:30

in the confused state that i am, i've decided to sit and write like the guy who tagged me (ducky).. and the guy who tagged him (ajit). also, in the same confused state, i do not know exactly what i want to write. but, this is probably all i can come up with for now..

note: all the points without the * say why i am like an iitian. all the *ed points say why i'm not.

the end sems're going on. and i'm here, in front of the comp, wasting my frikkin' time, instead of studying. all i manage to do is last minute stuff, be it quizzes or end sems or whatever. and yes, classes are BORING. you can see me sleeping or falling off to sleep mostly. but if you see me awake, you can be sure that i'm dreaming with my eyes open. and i bunk most of the useless classes.
* i do try and make good notes (at least in the beginning of every course). and generally, whatever i write, i write neatly.
* my room is organised. and i do sweep every three weeks or so. you can always find my clothes neatly folded, books arranged and the bed made.
i'm addicted to fifa. and some other flash games. and movies and net and the computer as a whole.
the last time i went to the lib before this sem was to return the book of a senior in my hostel.
* this sem, i have visited the lib thrice. also, i've touched the book which i've borrowed, thrice. first time to take it, and the next two times to renew it to avoid paying the fine.
i do use a lot of the college lingo. and of course, i swear. i may be able to control it most of the time, but when i'm really pissed, i let go of my vocab.
i don't really like the mess food.. it's either too boring or too bad.
* i try to get up one hour before class starts everyday, to have breakfast.
i've overslept many times (esp. this sem) and have gotten up just because my friend woke me up. or because the alarm clock decided to ring (i never remember when i set it and to what time).
usual sleeping times are anywhere between 2 and 3:30 or 4 (am). this is no surprise to any iitian.
i listen to heavy stuff, light stuff, soft stuff, hard stuff, rock, metal, whatever you call it.
i'm named 'spanky' (and i have the distinction of being one of the first ones to be named among my friends).
* about the tea or coffee.. '*' because i don't do both. i drink milk.
* oh ya, i also brush my teeth twice a day (this, i added when wiper suggested it, while i was brushing my teeth last night). and also, my bath frequency per week is between 3 and 4, nearer to 4.

looks like i've waste about an hour and a half browsing through my mail, formula1, blogging,.. so i'll stop here and tag anybody from the list on the right of the page. Anush, Dhanian, CB, K. B. Jiggs, Makam, Sandeep N., Wiper.

waiting for the sun

2005-11-22T17:40:00.000+05:30

last night, the rains started off again. so it was against our will to get up in the morning and go to class (not that it isn't if it's not raining). but they were officially the last classes of this semester.

first up was som (strength of materials). he had made a really good flash presentation.. and a very exhaustive one. (he later told us it took four years of effort!). whatever, in the end he told us about our paper; six questions including five problems and one question with lots of MCQs. and they have multiple answers. "if you mark all of them, 1 mark. if you mark only a few of the correct answers, 0. if you mark even one wrong answer with any other, -0.5. and the problems, they'll be testing your knowledge, not your ignorance. and maybe just a little bit how smart you are." damn! immediately i decided i was gonna study som today.

and then i learnt at the last minute that we also had our basic elec. class. so i went and sat there mainly because i hadn't collected my papers earlier and i had to this time. and wow! i got 7.5 and 12 in the two quizzes (out of 25). all my som plans vanished in an instant. it had to be basic elec.. otherwise i might be seeing a cup right in front of my nose! (a 'cup' is what we get when we fail a course. basically it's a U grade. but it looks like a cup. so..)

and after lunch and a waste of an hour (bio class), i was back in the room. and after attempting the hindu crossword, i thought i'd sleep a bit.. hmm and then i had to start implementing my great plans to study. haven't gone too far. but i can say i've studied. the reason i'm typing all this is i'm taking a break from basic elec; i just solved three problems and i think i got the right answers! (had i done this earlier, i'd have got much better marks in the quiz, and i'd have fewer things to worry about now)

it's not the first time i've been up so late.. into the early hours of the morning. unfortunately, one of my night-outs (or nights-out?) was just before the second basic elec quiz. and i went and almost slept while writing it. thankfully there's nothing tomorrow and that's partly why i've decided to make it another night-out.

(sigh) somehow, i never thought i'd hate the exams so much.. especially after last year, i remember.. the end of the first year, all of us were sick of college. i don't know anyone who didn't want to go home desperately. and i had thought it's only because we're in the first year. but i guess it happens always..

ok i've typed quite a bit. yet another pointless post as i sit in chilly chennai, waiting for the sun....

nothing

2005-11-21T04:15:00.000+05:30

Some of the fonts I like..

Black Adder
Batik
Calvin and Hobbes
Die Nasty
Iced Earth
Iron Maiden
Korn
Megadeth
MetallicA
Neurochrome
Scrabble
Squealer
Tall Paul
Viking

Obviously, I’ve been jobless. I’m amazed as to how much I’ve studied.. or rather how less. For now, balls to acads..

So,..
India is playing well.
Australians’re good as usual.
ManU just lost Roy Keane. Bad.
A lot of EPL and Champion’s League matches this week/month.
Power Cut right now. Screw them.
Annnnd finally, I’m off for a bath.

Ciao.

my shortest post.

2005-11-17T03:40:00.000+05:30

hmm.. what made me write this - 1. the toilet. 2. joblessness.

why can't those useless fellows flush their fucking faeces down the drain?? this morning i got up at 8 (class was at 8). so i forgot about the class and when i went to crap i saw a very ^pleasant^ thing.. yaahhh! i hate it when it's like that..

i'm done. that's why this's my shortest post! all i'm doing now (after bunking yet another class) is sitting in front of my comp and wasting time like hell, messing around with my cam, and end sems... hopes...

CGPB - civics, geography, physics, biology.

2005-11-03T13:00:00.000+05:30

i forgot how i got to know about it all, but i joined the well known coaching classes for the NTSE. had more fun there than learning i can say. then we wrote the state level exam. i was ranked 14. my friend karthik (cb) was 1st. next up was the national level thing and after some months, that too got over. i learnt i'd qualified for the viva. dunno what i prepared, but i went for a mock interview in the same coaching centre. and then the day had arrived..

my dad and me got in the car, knowing we had to go to some 'cbse place'. i think we left the house at about 10:30 in the morning. try as we might, we couldn't find the damn place till about 12:30. and finally i was sitting in the waiting room at 1. i saw people tensed, relaxed, studying last minute, talking, discussing,.. one by one they went in and after about 15 to 20 mins. per person, they came out. and we all swarmed around the person who had just come out to ask what they had asked him or her, how strict they were and so on. with my luck, i saw that i was the last person to go in. so after three hours of rotting in boredom, at 4, i was called.

i went in, and to my right, saw the table and chair ready for me. there were four people sitting across. i went and even before i could act as if i was waiting for them to ask me to sit, they asked me to sit down. i smiled and sat. and then i just introduced myself.. and so did they. there was one civics/economics guy. one geography dude who had in fact taught us in the coaching place (he had a wierd habit of saying 'asee' in between every line he spoke.. once we counted, 777 'asee's in a class of his). one physics fellow. and a biology ajji. let's call them civicman, geoman, phyman and biolady.

civicman started off: "so, i'm going to name a few personalities. you have to tell me where you've heard their name, i.e., why they're famous. ok?"
"ok"
"jyoti basu"
"uh... (many nervous seconds later) an economist?" (ok, i agree. my GK was pathetic.. maybe still is)
"hmm. something more important than an economist?"
"i don't know"
"ok. he was the chief minister of west bengal for 26 years. the longest period for a chief minister."
"ok"
and then he shot off with some more vague names which made me more and more uneasy. either he gave me really tough ones or i was really bad.. finally,
"hmm ok. have you heard of aishwarya rai at least?"
"oh yes! she was miss world, now she's in bollywood. one of the most beautiful women blah blah"
"ok that's over. now, tell me what you think about reservation for women"
geoman pipped in: "be careful, there's a woman sitting among us" and they all started laughing. so i forced a laugh.. and then blabbered some shit about why women need reservation, went on to equality, equal oppurtunities and ended by saying they don't need reservation.
so civicman said: "you seem to be undecided about whether you're for or against it.. anyway, my turn is over"

it was geoman's turn: "let me see. i'll name some lakes. and you have to tell me which state each one is located in"
"ok"
he named the first one, i don't remember any of them. i said 'jammu and kashmir' and it was right! so i guessed jammu again for the next one. sadly it wasn't right that time. and after making some really horrible guesses, i think he realised he needed to get way down, to my level, and asked me this:
"can you name the nine planets in the solar system?"
"yes! mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, uranus, neptune, pluto!"
"ok good"

by then, whatever hopes i had about getting through this viva thing, had diminished to a negligible state. until the phyman and the biolady asked me some stuff which weren't great. but they weren't as bad as geo and civic.

i remember phyman asking me..: "you know that dispersion takes place in a prism. and if you turn it upside down and pass the seven colours, it will come out as white light. so now join the two prisms. you get a glass slab. now, tell me, does dispersion occur inside the glass slab? and why"
goodness, i was embarassed enough with the first two guys and this fellow gives me a pumpkin of a question. i had no idea what to say.. i just blabbed about refraction only taking place.. and then we discussed or 'argued' about whether it takes place or not. after a while we left it. i don't remember if we concluded anything from it at all..

and biolady asked me something about bats and their nocturnal habits.. i told her about our biological clock and all and after repeating whatever i said in a different way, the viva was over.

they said i could leave. as a last attempt to make them qualify me, i smiled at all of them and came out. told my dad it wasn't so great and all.. and to this day i do not know how they selected me as a scholar. maybe it was the national level exam, i must've done really well. and maybe that, not just tha viva, counts. that's the only explanation i could think of. whatever it is, that viva really made me wonder. hopefully i'll do better in my future interviews, whatever they are. and i'll still continue to bug my friends/family by narrating this experience over and over again.

annnnnd It's a Gooaaalllllllllll!!!!

2005-10-28T14:28:00.000+05:30

it all started way back in 8th std., when my pentium II was still one of the latest computers. i forgot how, but i had got the popular game by EA Sports, fifa98 then (FIFA = Fédération Internationale de Football Association). and for that time, it was really good. i started playing it and liked it a lot. eventually i became very good at it, and then i left it.

but soon, came fifa99. and i guess that was also fine, but somehow it didn't appeal to me like 98. nevertheless, i played it, but very less. and then after quite a long break from the game, came fifa2002 thanks to a friend who managed to get it from singapore. i think i played it for nearly three years, till last year. i never realised i would hit upon a newer and better version of fifa... till august this year.

since i had just settled in my room and set up my comp and lan, i thought i might as well try out some stuff like gaming on the network. and so i tried fifa2005. and boy was it good! we were so excited that we were playing each other from the comforts of our own room, and that too, a newer better fifa. it took very less time to realise it was addictive. i still can't figure out why, but i don't really care! as long as it serves its purpose (of giving us entertainment) i'm happy.

basically we play only on lan, very little against the computer because it doesn't give the satisfaction or fun that human competition gives. most of us have tried playing the computer, and i think i'm right in saying all prefer to play each other.

time to explain who 'we' is; the frequenters of the game are about five people mainly (from my hostel itself), with another five to six from other hostels.
there's wiper: i think he's the one i played this game with first. now i don't think i can generalise the way he plays. but i can put it this way; he loses more than he wins.
then there's anush: this fellow was at home when i played my first game with wiper. i remember how he was excited and all. and in the beginning, he wasn't that great. in fact, once he'd said 'spanky, do you know you're the man to beat?'. now, he's probably the best among us. of course nobody likes to admit that. one thing, this guy keeps a record of all the games he plays, his team, opponent's team, score, home or away,..!! and i just remembered, one of his most amusing dialogues once, when we'd decided to play fifa, 'spanky, stop wasting time and play fifa..'
dharik: one fellow who is a rock in defence. i don't understand how i get thulped by him in some games and then manage to beat him in others. he claims he's the best amongst us. i dunno a sure way to find out!
ducky: he's the only fellow who's not in our wing. but of the few days he's in the hostel, you can find him in our wing half the time. and again, no judgement from me. because i've not seen him play as much as the others..
and louda, my neighbour, is slowly picking up the game. for reasons unknown, he doesn't play on his comp. he even deleted the other addictive game called 'Counterstrike'.
i've also played vinod a few times. and i can remember him beating me by just one goal more than once.

there was no point in me explaining all about the players (human, i mean). but nevermind. fifa still continues to keep us occupied. or rather, we find time even in the smallest of breaks and during mugging for quizzes to play football. in fact, the night before our 'basic elec' quiz was a memorable one. anush and me didn't sleep. instead we wasted time by surfing the net and played fifa at 4 in the morning! maybe as you're reading this, two or more of us are sitting, having started the game and listening to the familiar voice saying 'EA Sports... It's in the Game'....

frustrated, part II - R.G.

2005-10-19T15:05:00.000+05:30

Ahh. what a word. used way too much in my college. 'RG' stands for Relative Grading. i love the concept, making sure you do better than the others, getting the top grade,.. why suddenly about RG? because tomorrow i have a quiz and i've lost hope of doing anything useful in it. instead of falling asleep with the book i thought i can at least write some shit here.

RG was one of the first things we learnt before joining, but only with respect to the academic system. then as our vocabulary expanded with new meanings for some english words, swearing in hindi and so on, RG turned out to be a verb. 'RGing' somebody means to make sure you're better prepared than that person and you do better in the exam, and so get better marks/grades/whatever. after a while, RGing seeped into almost every aspect of our life. the word no longer was associated with academics alone. and that's how it is even now; i can RG people for the TV in the common room, i can RG people for the extras in the mess, i can RG anyone for anything!

the reason i'm writing all about RGing is because people have been annoying me too much in relation to this. and like Dave Mustaine of Megadeth once said in a concert, "when i'm up here and i got the fucking microphone, i can say whatever i want to..", when i'm writing here, i can write whatever i want to, not that nobody knew that.

anyway, it's more or less RGing for acads now...

it all started in the first semester beginning. being new here, and hearing about relative grading and all, and learning so many new things in class, i got the feeling i had to study a lot for the quizzes. so for my first quiz, i went to the extent of going to the library and mugging! and all my 'hard work' payed off. because i topped my branch in the quiz. by then everybody had this opinion that i was a nerd, i was an acad guru, blah blah. and then come second quiz, i thought - that was the quiz? maybe i don't have to study so hard and all.. so i didn't study as much as i did for my first tests. and not surprisingly my marks were a little lower. but good, nevertheless.

and then it was end semester time. me being under the false impression that the quizzes gave me about acads, didn't bother to put any effort. i just did whatever i felt like, doing last minute stuff and all. only after the end sems were over did i realise i had just got screwed in most subjects, the quizzes are different, and that the end sems are what matters.

still, after all that, i managed to get some miserable marks in the second semester quizzes. so all i could hope for was the end sems to be good. and i thought i better study for it, for which i'm glad now because the end sems are what brought my grades up. so much that even i can't understand how they gave me high grades in a few courses.

and now, in the third semester, i've become one hell of a lazy bastard, always in front of the comp playing fifa or watching movies or surfing the net... when the first quiz came, i thought i might as well give up on it and study for the second quiz and end sems. but some how i managed to get good marks in three out of five courses. and i basically flunked the other two.
and that did it. all my friends started calling me an RG and 'accused' me of studying in the room alone, and then acting like i never did anything. how i hate that - i just wish they decide to spy on me one day, and see for themselves how much time i actually waste sitting in the room; typically all i do is read the paper, sit in front of the comp, dream or sleep. the studying comes during the quizzes. i just can't stand it when someone says i've done everything already and i'm gonna get full in the test.. and i wont even know anything at that time.

even today, when i'm already struggling to catch up with the portions for tomorrow's quiz,..

A: 'spanky no, he would've finished mugging for basic elec' (which is day after tomorrow) 'then chumma tomorrow he'll act as if he hasn't studied at all, RG everyone and thulp the paper'

B: 'ob he's finished mugging for som.' (som is strength of materials which is tomorrow) 'he's god! see he wants to play fifa and all, all this while he was mugging and now he wants to RG'

(sigh) it's nearly 0230 hrs. and i still have quite a bit to do for tomorrow. but this gives me more satisfaction than any studying at this point;
all you bastards, go f*** yourselves. you know what? you're right, i AM god. so you pathetic little creatures can do with a little more of self-help than repeating over and again what an RG-god i am.

RG rules.

frustrated, part I - here comes The Pain

2005-10-17T08:00:00.000+05:30

inspired by a blog i've seen, and also triggered by a few things, i've decided to put out stuff on my blog which, let's say, is quite relevant in my life.

now there exists this specimen whom we shall call The Pain. the pain is male. it's been more than a year since i've known him. and more than a year since we, not just me, decided he is painful. just because i don't wanna get into too many details, i will not write each and every thing that the pain has said or done. but here's how the pain would describe me:

"a useless fellow who doesn't play anything, just mugs and mugs, acts like he doesn't mug,.. he doesn't even go out of campus, goes home at every oppurtunity, but after going home also he doesn't get food. and he doesn't even go to the dhaba. what a give-up fellow. he doesn't share his food if he has, doesn't use his money at all, doesn't treat any one.."
and everytime he sees me doing any activity, "spanky, give-up"..
i suppose he'll be thinking, if by chance he's reading this, "what a give-up fellow, joblessly blogging about all this.."

i've got used to this crap from the pain. now i'd describe the pain in this fashion:

"lump of shit. thinks he's great but no idea why. and a master of exaggeration. needless to say, a pain god. dunno why he even studies, got some hopeless grades last year. argues for any damn thing you say. the next time, if you say the contradictory thing, he argues again!.."
maybe there's more to it than that.

but anyway, next time the pain comes and asks me fig to eat or anything at all, all i have to say is 'i'm give-up no? how can you expect me to have grub when you yourself told me i don't get any'. in fact, next time he asks anything, i'll just have to say 'i dunno, i'm give-up'. now that makes life easy doesn't it! (although i might consider asking him how much food he's ever brought and shared, how many times he has treated, and why the fuck is not going to the dhaba considered 'give-up'! i mean, i dislike northie food except when i have it after a long time, for heaven's sake, stop saying give-up for everything!)

all in all, the pain will continue to pain, not only me, but those other poor mortals out there who are still keeping quiet about it. sadly, after all i've said or done, the pain is my friend!

..47.. chennai sucks

2005-10-02T23:44:00.000+05:30

i suppose i've told this a hundred times to my friends already - chennai sucks. there are various reasons why i feel so. probably the main reason is the weather. and then also the fact that it's so filthy everywhere (outside campus). but i'm not gonna bore you by writing about how bad the weather is... that's very wellknown, and discussed too many times to be written about. instead, i'm gonna rant about my harrowing experience in the city buses.

i left around 10:15 or something yesterday, to my friend's house which is quite far from college (she's a free-lance journalist/lecturer). so she had given instructions about the different buses i could take from here. and i went to the stop around 10:30 and waited for the bus. i waited and waited and a couple of times, the bus which she had told me just went past without stopping! later i learnt that they were yellow board buses which don't stop at some stops.. so after 11:00, i finally got onto a bus and asked the conductor a ticket for 'gannapatti colony'. and i told him 'stop varaapo sollenge' (just before i left, i had woken my friend up and asked him how to say that). and as usual, there was no place to sit, so i was standing. to my dismay, the bus just kept filling up with people and nobody was getting off anywhere! soon we reached T.nagar and then i saw half the people get off there.. cool! i saw an empty seat at the back and so happily squeezed myself in between two old ladies and relaxed.

after a while, i realised that the lady standing in front of me and yacking, was actually trying to communicate with me! i had no idea what she was saying.. i assumed she wanted to sit. so i stood up and gave her the place. at the same time one man told me that the back seat was for ladies.. damn. in bangalore, it's not like that. and i didn't know how it was here. anyway, i managed to get another seat somewhere. and so after about 12:30 i finally reached the place.

now that was worth it. all the bus travel payed off. because i got some good food on a saturday afternoon for a change; instead of the oily methi puri in the mess. so we ate, talked, played some scrabble.

and then it was time to leave. again, she gave me some more instructions because going back was a slightly different route. i got a bus within 5 min. so i was happy. but then within the next 5 min., that same bus which was not at all full, was filled to capacity. and i had to keep cursing all along. sweating like pigs, butts rubbing against each other, getting squished... yuck! and after about 15 min., i let go of the top bar which you hold for support. i didn't need it! i was so tightly packed that even if i lost balance, i would still be in a vertical position. but before all this, in the beginning itself, i realised that the driver was an asshole of the highest order. he must've got a bit confused and thought his bus was a mercedes clk-gtr. at every damn turn and red signal, he was braking hard at the last minute, and then accelerating hard again.. $@$#@%!! everybody was not only being squished, but also being shaken about, making us all look like crazy headbangers packed in a bus without any music. and it was inevitable that he was gonna screw up at some point or the other. it happened at a signal. i don't think he even knows how to drive the bus. he couldn't get it to move forward! and unfortunately, the signal was at a place which was sloping up. so we kept moving backwards.. to the sounds of the furious horns at the back. and thud! we had just whacked a lorry behind us.

i wondered if i would reach college before 7. we just sat there not knowing what to do. and then some people got off. phew! i went and took a seat. an old lady came, smiled at me and sat beside me. i smiled back. and she said something i couldn't understand. so i just smiled again, hoping that what she had said wasn't a question. and after the traffic cop came, 'inspected' the situation,
reprimanded the driver, he managed to take the bus above the slope, to the next right turn. there everybody got off (so even i did). and then all of them were flocking around the conductor, holding out their tickets (so even i did). and then everybody got something written on the back of the tickets (so even i did) but all this was a waste of 15 min, i realised. because those people stopped a bus in the middle of the road and got on! it was like that fevicol ad, people stuffed like hay. so i just decided to walk (i was on mount road). apparently, one more fellow had decided to walk and i followed him. thankfully after 5 min., we reached a big bus stop. so there i waited for sometime. and then saw that i was waiting in the wrong place because the bus which i wanted just zoomed past me (it had stopped a few metres to my right, which i hadn't noticed). so i went over to that side. and then when the next bus came, i just managed to get on as it started moving.

thankfully, the bus was gonna stop near college. and so that made me feel better. and added to that, the driver (this one was good) was driving fast on a long stretch. so the wind cooled me off a bit. and so by the time i reached my room, it was 18:00. it took more than an hour and a half!

all this just makes me miss bangalore so much. and that too in recent years, the bus system in bangalore has improved a lot. only thing is i don't use the buses much at home also.. and hopefully i wont have to use much here too. sadly, the autos here are ridiculously expensive. again, unlike bangalore, where you can go by the meter, here they demand wild fares and you have to agree before going.. i might start off on autos now. so i'll refrain from continuing. only conclusion? you want luxury - you pay like hell. you want cheap travel - you travel like shit.

ef won

2005-09-30T10:11:00.000+05:30

one of the things i love in this world.. Formula1. i can't really remember when exactly i started watching it, but i do remember a few things i had seen; nearly 10 years ago, i remember seeing eddie irvine to be one of the fastest drivers. and then i also remember watching him as a backmarker sometimes! (he had shifted from ferrari to jaguar).. i used to wonder how a driver who could win and all was so slow suddenly. and then there was hakkinen. and the mclaren.. i can remember bits and pieces of what i'd seen long back.

but my liking to this sport began only about 5 years ago. and it didn't take me long to fall in love with the mclaren, and hate the ferrari. it's just awesome to watch those drivers' adventure ride for two hours, cars zooming like they're flying.. i have been go-karting twice. but just at 60 kph (limit for the kart), i had a thrilling ride! imagine 5 times the speed! i'm always amazed by the 'perfectness' of the drivers. when a driver manages to get his car into the tyre barricades or does some spinning rounds all over the track, people may call that bad driving. but that's only relative; to the driving of the others, and to his own driving at some other point of time. with 60 - 70 laps to go in a car at 200 kph (average), there's very little room for error. and i realised only this year how low the drivers' position in the car is. from the camera view on top of the cockpit itself, we find it difficult to judge when the turns come. they're sitting even lower! it takes a hell of a lot of practice and mugging (yes. they mug the track so they can tell which turn is where even when half asleep). and during the race, concentration is tested to the max.

the F1 car is an 'extreme machine' as the programme on discovery showed. it's cockpit is made of carbon fibre composites and is many times stronger than steel. that's very crucial. safety of the driver is the highest priority. and lately the technology related to safety is so advanced, many of the accidents that occur at present, would've resulted in certain death 10 years ago. so the car is safe. and fast. the immense power it generates demands fuel at an alarming rate.. but most followers of F1 know this: the downforce generated by the car and its aerodynamics is so high that, above 100 mph, the car can go upside down on the ceiling of a tunnel! i've never come even close to any thing so fast or powerful. and imagine my envy when i heard that they had a formula1 car on display in the tech. fest at bombay.. and not just any F1 car, a mclaren-mercedes F1 car!! damn!

most of the times, the races turn out to be exciting enough. very rarely (like indianapolis 2005) are there boring races. but then in 2002, the ferraris dominated like crazy - winning 15 out of the 17 races! the FIA (Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile) made many rule changes, and thankfully 2003 turned out to be one of the most exciting seasons. although michael won it that year, he did so only by a point to kimi. close? :) and come 2004, ferrari do the domination thing again - 15 out of 18 races. what does the FIA do? make more changes! and boy, have they worked! this season, by far, has been the worst for ferrari in the past so many years. thanks to the changes and some good developments in the mclaren and renault camps, the championship (esp. the constructors') has been something we couldn't have predicted. by now, alonso has already won the drivers' championship. but the title for the constructors is wide open between mclaren and renault, the former having taken the lead in the last race, the brazilian grand prix.

i haven't really spoken much about mclaren. about how much i like it and all. but i guess there's nothing much to say apart from me being a diehard fan of the team. i was so happy last race, when we finally got a 1-2. that was something we deserved at least 3 or 4 times during this season. all because of some reliability problems, kimi and montoya both lost some races with them in the lead. how can someone forget that last lap mishap for kimi.. that too when it has already happened for mclaren with mika before.

anyway, after all the time i cribbed about ferrari dominating and michael winning nonstop, this is more than consolation for me. i just can't wait till the next time i sit on my beanbag, with mom-made snacks, and the race about to begin.. wonder what i'll do if i ever get a chance to actually go to a grand prix and be there with those machines screaming in the ears..

the thing that should not be

2005-09-26T05:36:00.000+05:30

i just feel like saying whatever i want to about two of my courses. they're 'ID 120 - Ecology and Environment' and 'BT 102 (i think) - some life science shit'. now why in the world did they bring in these unwanted, painful, pointless courses?? it was so much better last year with students doing relevant stuff (like mech. engnrs. doing workshop) and mostly sticking to their branch or field. and then they had to make this stupid change and introduce these two subjects.

i suppose ecology at least has a relevance in our daily life; but do we really have to learn that we need to conserve fuel, water, electricity and all that? i'm sure most of already know the importance. and whoever really cares is doing their bit. but this course really doesn't change much of all that. why do we have to learn idiotic agreements or pacts that some vague organisation or country has made. or why do we have to know reactions in so much detail when all that is necessary is the basic knowledge of what's going on on the planet and what we have to do...

fine, the ecology course could've done without all the reactions and such shit. so maybe i'm saying that it is not entirely unnecessary? unlike biology. that, by far, was the last thing they needed to do. who the fuck cares about what's going on in dna and mitochondria or whatever?? all we need to worry about are what's concerned with our field, interests, plus what's concerned with the world problems at present. not what goes on inside your cell. that is the job of biotech. engnrs. why else would they have a separate branch?! in fact, this course is what the biotech. students do in their 1st sem (i feel sad for them). i don't think more than 5% of the people who attend these classes bother to even look at the slides shown there. the fact that attendance is taken with so much care shows that they themselves are sure that no student would attend this course without it. last time, i had gone to class and slept as usual. and that fat TA who thinks she's very hot denied me attendance (some few more students were denied too). screw her and the attendance. next time she comes for it, i'm gonna tell her 'who wants your fucking attendance? go bitch somewhere else'.
alright, i know i've been a little 'unparliamentary' in my language. but i feel like saying all the swear words i know whenever i think of these two courses.. so, fuck ecology and biology (but not to the extent that i fail to clear these courses! if at all i have to repeat them, you'll find me dead before i do it)

randomized joblessness

2005-09-22T15:07:00.000+05:30

hmm.. i'm surprised that whatever i type turns out to be quite long! anyway, it's late night and i'm not sleepy. so i thought why not blog. and surprisingly, net's working pretty fast at the moment. ok this is what i'm gonna do: i'm gonna take the dictionary, open a random page, put my finger somewhere and whatever the word is, i'm gonna write about it.. so here goes!

ok marguerite is pretty useless.. (it's a large daisy). next word!

crape. all i can think of are those crape sarees which mom used to make me unfold for her (it used to stick so she held one end and i loved pulling the other end apart so she always used to call me to do that). though i wonder how anyone can wear such a thing.. seems so uncomfortable! in fact, the saree itself seems such a complex dress to wear, with all those folds and layers and what not.. ok i'm drifting off. next word!

(in order to keep the size of this post limited i will do just 5 words. and i'm not writing an essay about each word, so it's not much)

sputum. how nice! sputum is 'expectorated matter; saliva'. now that's something everyone in india is very familiar with. ewww! should i skip this word? yeah. only one thing; there's a certain individual in our hostel office, whom i loathe with all my heart. every now and then, you can see red sputum from him. the reason i hate him is, whenever i've gone to ask him something, he kept chewing that paan or whatever and didn't even speak properly. he didn't even give the lan cable for my comp (others had got it), so i had to go and buy it for 69 bucks!.. next!

godfather. wonder why they have the concept of godfather.. but the book and the movie (first one) are really nice. mario puzo provides an insight into the working of the mafia in great detail.. read the book and saw the movie these hols at home. ok last word (hurray)..

drive. that's something you can write a lot about..(i'm taking only one meaning of this verb drive) but i'm too lazy to do so. incidentally, a friend of mine has written quite a bit on driving. just click on 'anand (ducky)' on my links and he'll tell you how to drive. i'll just go to sleep now :)

so long

what a monday!

2005-09-20T02:26:00.000+05:30

it all started when the alarm went off and i got up at 7:45. that's a comfortable time to get up when you have class at 9; so you can read the paper, have breakfast,.. but i decide to flop on the bed again just for 5 min. and next time i open my eyes, it's 8:30. damn! so i decide i don't have time for grub or paper or anything, just finish my essentials, change and buzz off. to maths class. and i go there to find some random female teaching a bunch of students i don't know.. aarghh! (later i learn we didn't have maths today)

so i come back to the hostel only to find out that the last plate of pongal just got over., and have a glass of milk. then i go to my room, only to get the urge to crap. and when i do, i get a funny feeling which i happily ignore. so the next class, i go at 10. thankfully since i had a good 7 hrs. of sleep, and there was a slideshow instead of his boring talk, i don't sleep in class. then i bunk the next class because i want to have bath and all.. so i come back to my room, read the paper, and go for lunch. and i'm very irritated to find that i have no appetite. so two chapathis, rice and buttermilk, i hog. then go back, only to realise i need to crap again. and i go to shit; lo! it aint shit, it's loose motion. i feel really miserable but nevertheless, have a nice bath and shave..

so i'm all fresh for the afty. and the next class, biology, i go and sit in the class, and begin chitchat. and when the attendance sheet comes i look for my name, funny.. aint here.. oh no, wrong class! so i run off after the TA calls after me saying 'where are you going'. i tell her the next room. i go there thankfully to find that i can still give my attendance (coz that's the whole point of this bio class). and after 7hrs. of good sleep, a nice shower, i go to sleep. and then it's machine drawing. so i go to the lab and as i'm doing the thing, my friend comes and tells me i need to make a change. so i click on one of the dimensions to my pulley (which i was drawing) and press del. and my whole pulley disappears. @#$&%! after i finish drawing that again, i go to my next drawing and i press on the tick mark (which means 'ok'). and what happens? the damn software closes! i'm wondering why today is like this. and after half an hour or so, i get a bad ache in my tummy.. just what i needed.

so i go back after waiting for two hours to crap again, i visit the loo and return. wish my friend for his b-day, talk to my mom and take a pill. and then three more times i visit the sweet place. dinner i don't feel like eating anything (big surprise) so i have a few grams of rice, buttermilk and frooti. and then i think to myself what am i gonna do for german tomorrow? try to study, but keep feeling sleepy. so with great determination, i finish reading 3 or 4 pages of my notes and decide i should go to my friend's room to study further (coz he has the text book, i don't). and we chat for an hour or so as usual, and at about 10:30, i go to sleep there itself and get up at 11:30 or 12. so i was in a bit of a shock.. but thought i was feeling better at least. anyway, i mug a few things, whatever i can, and return to my room, to my comp. and after 10 min. i realise i need to crap again.. so i go and come, feeling marginally better. and now i thought i just had to put this day's happenings into words.. worth remembering that i went through an.. interesting day!

ok i feel better now that i have put out this thing, so i'm off to do last minute mugging. ciao!

(B)Zzzzzz....

2005-09-19T07:00:00.001+05:30

i thought why not crib about a few things; at present, two - sleep and mosquitoes.

now i know sleep is absolutely important and a good 6-8 hrs. of sleep is ideal. in fact, it is known that people die of lack of sleep faster than due to lack of food. but why, oh whyyy does sleep have to change its methods completely when in college! i have no idea why i don't feel sleepy at night. the only reason i go to sleep at about 2 or 3 is because i feel i can't get up the next day. and boy! am i right! it's just impossible to get up early.. like i've already mentioned once, for the past three days, i've been wanting to get up at 6 (for swimming) i've gotten up at 8,9 and 11 am. pathetic!
you know, i'm wondering if i should stop doing whatever i do at night, be it playing games, chatting with friends, watching movies or even last minute mugging! all i have to do is open my 'strength of materials' textbook. and i'm off to dreamland in minutes.. but hey, who in their right mind would stop doing all the fun things and try and go to sleep early! yeah.. so forget the whole idea. i'll just sleep late as usual!

one thing though.. ever noticed how you feel sleepy during classes uncontrollably? worst part is if you try and concentrate, you feel sleepy.. so all important classes are sleep-throughs.. and all the useless ones like eco or bio, no matter how hard i try i can't sleep! i always end up playing or talking to people. but this is nothing compared to what i went through during the basic elec quiz; i had basically given up after discussing some problems.. and yet i had slept late again. so i get the question paper next morning, and i wonder - what the hell did i waste my time yesterday for?! i should've just played and enjoyed instead of trying to study! i have no clue about anything anyway.. and to make matters worse, i started falling asleep! sleep! can be so irritating. but arguably, it's one of the best things to do anytime! now you might say, i have only myself to blame for all these problems with sleep.. but no. i blame evolution for making sleep necessary for us.

anyway, lemme get on to one of the most irritating, most frustrating things about this place (apart from the weather) - mosquitoes!
yeah.. they're everywhere. in the room, outside the room, in the bogs, in the mess,.. again, why, oh whyyyy!! those f***ing creatures are so tiny but they can drive you nuts. and after years of experience, i've concluded that mosquitoes find my blood very tasty; after countless times where i'm scratching and complaining like an idiot while others are wondering what's wrong with me. now coming to my room, i was really lucky to have two things left by the previous owner - a mosquito net for one window and a footrug. now i can't say enough thanks for that net.. otherwise my room would have been a muckbag without ventilation and all. i think most of us know that these monsters mostly come at dawn and dusk. so i try to close my door as much as possible. but not really helpful coz' every now and then somebody will come to my room. i can't stay in isolation, can i? and that's when the problem starts, mosquitoes take the chance of the door being open even for a few seconds and by the time i close it, they're there, under my table waiting for my juicy blood filled legs. i switch on allout only to realise again and again, they don't care what i switch on! but the worst part was one day (before the strength of materials quiz) i decided to take a nap in the evening. so i switched off the light, switched on allout, and lied down. i probably would've gotten better sleep on the stage of a rock concert. those damn insects.. even then with all my precautions, somehow managed to come and torture me enough to make me crazy!

i really could go on a little more about how much i hate mosquitoes and how much pleasure it gives me to kill them, especially when i squish them with my own hands. but you know what? i just thought of something, both my sleep and mosquito problems; i can blame them on one thing - evolution! sleep: i already told you why. mosquitoes: why the hell did they have to evolve in such a way that the female mosquito needs the blood for her larvae or some shit like that! it's all evolution i tell you.. let's all try our best and do our bit for evolving sleep out of our systems and mosquitoes? screw them.. hope they bite each other and go extinct.

Pilot

2005-09-17T23:53:00.004+05:30

well, here goes! i never thought i'd create a blog, but then again, i think a lot of things that don't happen. ok i suppose you'd have figured by now i'm really jobless. so i guess this is just the oppurtunity to blab. (note: my blog aint gonna have no hi-fi vocab)
actually, i dunno what to write! then i remembered that my friend had written about the ashes and all.. so i thought how about the only sport i watch with passion - F1. nah! people would already be bored reading this, and if i start on F1, i'm not gonna stop. so, 'blogging during spells of joblessness' it is. now, why i never liked the idea of blogging i can't say. but hey, there's temptation everywhere! which is why i'm typing this drivel.. i used to wonder what the use of a log is. then i remembered my math, biology and ecology classes. surely, nothing can be more useless than them.
for the past two or three days, i've been wanting to get up at 6 to go swimmin.. but i've gotten up at 8 and, today, 9. otherwise i'd be sleeping in peace right now. in fact, i wouldn't even be creating a blog now if i'd slept early yesterday.. but leave that aside.

ok ok lemme stop making random statements and finally get to a topic; or rather a story. 'tis something that happened to me.. two incidents actually..

ok so i needed to get back home one evening from school by auto. after about 20 min. of roaming around with my insides boiling, i found some auto guy who seemed cheerful enough not to say no. so i said 'palace guttahalli' and got on. not even 10 seconds into the ride and he starts off.. (all kannada translated to english)
him: 'do you know kannada?'
me: 'yes. i learnt it for 8 years'
him: 'does your school teach kannada?'
me: 'yes'
him: 'ok leave kannada, tell me who your favourite hero is..'
me: 'huh? no i don't have a hero and all'
him: 'oh i know you will have one. see, the problem is all the youth nowadays look up to the actors saying i want to be like him, he's my idol.. but see our soldiers. they're fighting a battle there in such conditions, risking their life. they should be the true heroes'
me: 'yes of course' (what's this guy's problem? stop yacking and go to palace guttahalli!!)
him: 'do you know what the british left with us when they went? two things.. take a guess'
me: (act as if i'm thinking for sometime) 'uh.. i don't know'
him: 'sorry and thank you! hahahahaha'
me: 'hehe' (shit. there better not be more jokes of his.. and not even half way to my place)
him: 'aha! see look here' (pointing at a young couple going on a motorbike, girl holding the guy) 'see how the young people are. so happily they're going..' (turns right and starts following them!)
me: 'sir sir! go straight sir, straight.. palace guttahalli!' (man! this guy's lost it!)
him: 'see one thing, have you observed? how muslim women have some five kids still they're not tired, while we people say 'aiyyo.. stomach pain' just for one kid!'
me: 'sir, stop here only..'
and i walked the rest of the distance. that, by far, was the wierdest auto driver i had come across. until this next time, again, from school, i found yet another specimen. and this guy knew a bit of english as well..

me: 'sir, palace guttahalli?'
him: 'ya sure! come'
me: (hmm.. interesting!)
so we go for about 5 min. and then unfortunately in a particularly long red signal, a young woman, maybe in her twenties turns up near us on a kinetic.
him: 'ooh see that figure man.. nice piece no?'
me: 'wha?' (wtf?! why didn't i get my damn walkman today..)
then when the signal goes green..
him: 'come let's have a look'
and he goes next to her, casting glances, whistling and all. thankfully she stopped at some place. phew!
him: 'you know, once i was going back home in my auto at night. that time, a man came on a motorbike with his daughter behind him. she was wearing a skirt and sitting sideways.. so full view no?'
me: 'take a right here' (if only my friend was there with me, she'd have got him arrested! ok wait, that thing later..)
him: 'so what did i do? i went right behind to the left of the bike, touched her legs, and sped off!'
i didn't know what to do.. just sat there ignoring him for the next 5 min. till i reached home.

ya so, this friend of mine, whenever she sees that internal mirror that some auto guys have, asks them 'uncle, why do you have that mirror? we ladies feel uncomfortable.' and the best answer of them all was this:
'ya i understand how you feel, but see once, when i was taking some woman, through that mirror i saw her taking out brown sugar from her blouse and giving it to someone. see, such things and all happen..'
gotta hand it to him, he was trying to be creative in extempore.

you know, i think i should stop here.. wondering if any of you would've even reached this line!